Raising Children
Necessary and Sufficient Conditions
Dante DeAmicis
It is so fatally easy to make young children
believe that they are horrible.
from The Once and Future King, by T. H. White
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Notice
I said "raising" children, not "having" children. Children should
not be seen as something that someone or some couple goes out to "have",
like one would have lunch or acquire some possession considered to be de
rigueur. Of course this attitude is simpler than sitting down to
think about everything a child needs or might need to become a fully developed
human being, bursting with potential and with no lifelong emotional scars.
It's much too easy to say "Well, a lot of this stuff is government's job".
Well, I've got news for you. The government is never going to do
all a child needs, although a bona fide culture might, because the government
won't, can't, or has an agenda that is not in the child's best interests.
Since
I know all of you fertile breeders are too busy trying to figure out how
to have more things, I've made a list for you of conditions that are not
just nice sentiments and "good ideas if convenient or time permits", but
absolute "musts" if we are going to stop pumping out babies that are soon
to be abused, neglected, and under developed educationally, emotionally,
socially, and spiritually.
1.
Backup
"parents" In some religious traditions these are called "godparents".
Where the church is strong enough to be the core family's "community",
the godparents commitment is written down and they attend important events
in the child's life. But their major function is to step in if one
or both of the biological parents bites the big one. Of course, who
says this has to be done in a religious context?
2.
Regular
third or fourth family member commitment This was usually an extended
family in the same household or neighborhood. They could be grandparents,
a spinster aunt, or very close family friends. They are a yell away
and are on call for whatever. They are committed to helping raise
your child. What, you don't know anyone who would do this?
Then don't have a child. Get a dog.
3.
Live
in an intentional community context In undeveloped societies this
comes naturally. But in our individualized, isolated, production
cog, mindless consumer existence, we will have to work at it. People
need to be in close proximity and interact on a regular basis with other
individuals and families who have some legal overlap in their lives for
the purpose of realizing a common goal, common lifestyle, or mutual aid.
Committed communitarians create a safe environment of people with different
skills and experiences to raise children in. The main reason almost
no one does this is because it is a major hassle. I would not insist
on such a major change for the disinclined childless. But for raising
children the right way (although communities have infinite variations)
it is a must, so do what you have to do.
4.
Invest
in education Most people would find this the most reasonable idea,
but I'm not talking about a "reasonable" amount of education. I'm
talking: throw the TV in the trash, read to the children regularly,
buy periodicals and books books books.
Don't give them that "But we have public libraries" unless you live next
door to one and it's open till midnight. Home-school or pool with
other parents for a "community school". Buy equipment for hobbies.
Pay for music lessons. Conduct "family meetings". Most important
of all, educate yourself broadly so you are not ignorance personified.
Get involved in community activities so that you can involve the children
in community activities.
If
the best you can do is push them off to a public school or a private clone
then don't have kids, but do help raise those of other parents when you
can. There are too many vacant stares now where wonder should be.
5.
No
violent or self-destructive behavior And I mean no slip-ups or excuses.
I don't care how much pressure you feel you are under and what the rest
of the world is like. The home should be a sanctuary for children.
Improve yourself so that you have achieved Zen-like peace and control at
all times or give someone else's kids your "good" days.
Now,
who still wants to "have" children?![10x5 Page Background GIF Image](../../Images/10x5_Page_Background.gif)
The Golden Principle Nothing will be attempted
if all possible objections must first be overcome.
While
Mr. DeAmicis' ideas are good as guidelines, I have the impression that
he views them as absolute requirements. However, if these requirements
were imposed particularly item number 5 upon all aspiring parents as
prerequisites to having children, then I suspect that there would not be
any more children. We are, after all, dealing with real people, not
"Zen-like" saints. The Golden Principle applies.
I
don't know whether or not Mr. DeAmicis has any first-hand experience at
raising children. It might be possible that he doesn't appreciate
the practical difficulties. Would any of my readers who are parents
care to comment on his recommendations? I'll be happy to print such
comments in future editions.
editor
Acknowledgments
My thanks to Sir
John the Generous for his contribution of computer memory and software.
My thanks to Shirley, of Urbana, Illinois,
for her frequent support of this newsletter.
My thanks to Sir Donald the Elusive for paying
the production costs of this newsletter.
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