Autoerotic Remembrances
Sam Aurelius Milam III
There
was a time (long long ago) and a place (far far away) when autoerotic
did
mean (among other things) loving your car. While I was in college,
if you wanted to be anywhere at all in the counterculture movement, a Volkswagon
was de rigueur. Although I never ascended to the heady heights of
a purple VW microbus, my wife and I did acquire during the winter of 1969,
a battered 1961 Volkswagon sedan painted Hugger Orange. I'm sorry
to admit that we called her Ladybug. However, we were very young,
so I suppose that we can be forgiven for a lapse of imagination.
Ladybug
was my ticket into the local VW culture in Bryan, Texas and, once admitted
to that inner circle, I quickly began to learn the lore and haunts of those
cliquish folks. I hung out at the local VW repair shop in Bryan,
called the Bug Shop, and even worked there part-time for a while, but that's
another story — several, in fact.
The
Bug Shop was the local haven for VW cultists, and a lot of weird stuff
happened there. However, there are lessons to be learned in even
the weirdest of circumstances (if one is predisposed to learn lessons),
and one of my lessons came from the Bug Shop.
An
axiom at the time in the local VW culture, or perhaps it was more of an
Article of Faith, was that high engine rpm must be maintained at all times.
The belief was that lugging would overheat a VW engine every time, a sacrilege
if ever there was one. Imagine the scorn we felt for any dolt who
we observed "lugging" a VW engine. So, I faithfully revved my VW
engine with the best of them, to the acclaim of my VW counterculture colleagues.
Mario Andretti would have been proud of my accomplishments at the achievement
of high rpm.
Eventually,
however, I suffered a lack of faith; or perhaps it was a glimmer
of enlightenment. In either case, after I graduated from college
and moved to San Jose, I bought and installed an engine oil temperature
gauge. To my surprise, I discovered that engine rpm had little effect
on engine temperature. To the contrary, I discovered that if I drove
the car fast (or into a strong headwind, or up a long hill), then oil temperature
went up. If I drove the car slowly (or with a strong tailwind, or
down a long hill), then oil temperature went down. I tested this
carefully on a trip to Los Angeles and the correspondence was remarkable.
Oil temperature depended not on how fast the engine was spinning, but on
how hard it was working. Apparently, the VW gurus didn't know their
asses from holes in the ground and (I concluded) a guru who can't tell
the difference between a donkey and a low spot is a very poor sort of guru.
What
with one thing and another, I eventually dropped out of the VW cult, but
that's OK. VW's eventually lost their mystique and became indistinguishable
from every other car on the road. Eventually, I dismantled Ladybug
and sold the parts that could be sold. I cut up the hulk with an
oxyacetylene torch, and recycled it — a fitting end to a cherished relic
of my beloved 60's counterculture movement. All that's left now is
the lesson: sometimes the experts can't tell their asses from holes
in the ground. I remind myself of that often.
Nowadays,
I speculate that modern counterculture might be no closer to the Truth
than my beloved 60's version. While I admire Fox Mulder and Dana
Scully (especially Dana Scully) as much as the next guy, I'm not completely
convinced that the Truth is "Out There". Do you want the truth?
Here's a suggestion. Consider the slogan that I print at the top
of this newsletter every month — The Truth Is Within You. Maybe you
don't need the experts. Maybe you don't even need me (ghastly thought!).
Do your own thinking. The Truth Is Within You.
Acknowledgments
• My
thanks to Shirley, of Urbana, Illinois, for her frequent support of this
newsletter.
• My
thanks to Sir Donald the Elusive for paying the production costs of this
newsletter and for his ongoing editorial assistance.
• My
thanks to Sir James the Bold for his ongoing editorial assistance.
• My
thanks to Lady Jan the Voluptuous for her ongoing editorial assistance
and for her countless other efforts in support of this newsletter and of
its editor.
• My
thanks to Steve, of Fremont, California, and to Sir
John the Generous, for their crucial support during my confrontation
with the despots in Santa Clara County, California.
— editor
208 346-6406 (fax
or zmodem)
Frontiersman@ida.net |
Frontiersman
479 E. 700 N., Firth, Idaho 83236 |
May 1997
Page 1
|
|