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Lighting the Way for the Tyranny of the Minority
Sam Aurelius Milam III The power-crazed regulators of everybody else's behavior are at it again. This time they're trying to protect the night sky from stray light. As usual, these do-gooders claim the most virtuous of reasons for coercively imposing their beliefs upon the rest of us. Their coercive restrictions don't effect their own behavior. They're attempting to restricted something that they don't do themselves. I've never yet seen a reformer advocate a law that corrected his own behavior. See the accompanying excerpt from Parade Magazine.
Big Bread and The Need for Tough New Standards Author unknown; Forwarded by Sir John the Generous A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, "Smell of baked bread may be health hazard." The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread. The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components of this aroma may break down ozone (I'm not making this stuff up). I was horrified. When are we going to do something about bread-induced global warming? Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the government going to go after Big Bread? Well, I've done a little research, and what I've discovered should make anyone think twice. 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month! 6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and osteoporosis. 7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after only two days. 8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts. 9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person. 10. Newborn babies can choke on bread. 11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute. 12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions: 1. No sale of bread to minors. 2. No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school. 3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread. 4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage. 5. A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers. Please send this e-mail on to everyone you know who cares about this crucial issue. Remember: Think globally, act idiotically.
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Buck Hunter Shoots Off His Mouth Dear Buck If you can guess how many deer I got this season, I'll give you both of 'em. — Deer Hunter
Dear Deer Hunter Three? (Are we related?) Acknowledgments
— editor
CUT you did with a pocket knife?
Before Computers, I Remember When ...
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
Frontiersman Cancellations — If you don't want to keep receiving this newsletter, print REFUSED, RETURN TO SENDER above your name and address, cross out your name and address, and return the newsletter. When I receive it, I'll terminate your subscription. You may also cancel by letter, e-mail, carrier pigeon, or any other method that gets the message to me. Back Issues — Back issues or extra copies of this newsletter are available upon request. Reprint Policy — Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this newsletter in its entirety or to reproduce material from it, provided that the reproduction is accurate and that proper credit is given. Please note that I do not have the authority to give permission to reprint material that I have reprinted from other publications. For that permission, you must go to the original source. I would appreciate receiving a courtesy copy of any document or publication in which you reprint my material. Submissions — I solicit letters, articles, and cartoons for the newsletter, but I don't pay for them. Short items are more likely to be printed. I suggest that letters and articles be shorter than 500 words, but that's flexible depending on space available and the content of the piece. I give credit for all items printed unless the author specifies otherwise. Payment — This newsletter isn't for sale. If you care to make a voluntary contribution, you may do so. The continued existence of the newsletter will depend, in part, on such contributions. I accept cash and U.S. postage stamps. I don't accept checks, money orders, anything that will smell bad by the time it arrives, or anything that requires me to provide ID or a signature to receive it. In case anybody is curious, I also accept gold, silver, platinum, etc. I'm sure you get the idea. — Sam Aurelius Milam III, editor
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Dear Readers
We're presently trying to survive by doing deliveries for a local newspaper. However, the paper route doesn't come close to covering our expenses. I estimate that if things continue as they are, then our savings will be gone in less than a year. If we don't secure an adequate source of cash by that time, then we won't have a way to survive. We'll probably have to abandon or sell most of what we own. I'll be forced to terminate the Frontiersman and The Pharos Connection. I'd appreciate any help that any of you can afford to give. If you feel that you can make a contribution or a pledge, I'd prefer that you send cash. If you'd rather send a check, then please make it payable to Jan Mecham. The address is 479 E. 700 N., Firth, Idaho 83236. Sincerely, Sam Aurelius Milam III
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