What could be simpler? A driver's license is a grant of access to many privileged activities. It's an unconstitutional title of nobility. Of course, it doesn't matter to me. The U.S. constitution doesn't have any jurisdiction over me and I don't have a driver's license anyway. However, it should matter to a U.S. citizen. After reading this, any U.S. citizen should start looking for a way to abolish driver's licenses. I'm not holding my breath. The abysmal behavior of U.S. citizens since September 11, 2001 has convinced me that they're more interested in security than in liberty. Why would they care about the constitution? I expect that they'll all continue as before. Eventually, people always get the kind of government that they deserve. The U.S. government is a good example.
The Long Search for Liberty
Big Piece of Cardboard
Sam Aurelius Milam III
• Democracy, as it is presently practiced, is nothing more than another method whereby people can impose their beliefs on other people who do not share them.
• Prohibition doesn't prevent bad behavior. It converts bad behavior into criminal behavior, providing job security for cops, stuffing the prisons, and not reducing bad behavior at all.
• I don't know of anywhere in the entire world where voting is a right. In every instance, it is at best regulated behavior — a privilege. Worse yet, Herr Bush has recently declared that, in America, it is a duty. Will you be punished if you don't vote?
• I noticed on the news that we're all waiting for the U.S. government to decide if we should receive smallpox vaccinations, and if they should be mandatory. What? Why can't I just walk into a clinic and buy a vaccination if I want one? Why does the government have to decide whether or not I can have it and, worse yet, whether or not it should be mandatory?
Letter to the Editor
In the November 2002 Frontiersman you write: "... most Americans .... even believe that terrorists are more dangerous than politician." It's written as if to say that, "Of course, politicians are more dangerous than terrorists." Do you really believe that? Terrorists kill thousands of innocent people. How can you possibly believe that politicians are more dangerous?? Thanks, Sam. I always enjoy the Frontiersman, but have a hard time with this one.
— Tom; Redwood City, California
Of course I believe it. Politicians have caused the deaths of millions of people, even if you consider only recent decades. Terrorists aren't even in the same league.
Alternate Meanings for Words
Source unknown. Forwarded by Susan, of Buhl, Idaho
These are reportedly some of the winning entries in a Washington Post contest in which readers were asked to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
01. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.
02. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
03. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.
04. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.
05. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.
06. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
07. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? and then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
08. Glibido: All talk and no action.
09. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
10. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Source Unknown. Forwarded by Warren, of Pocatello, Idaho
Two church members knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result — the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."
Source Unknown. Forwarded by David, of Idaho Falls, Idaho
HSBC Bank is very pleased to inform you that we are installing new "Drive-thru" cash point machines where our customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable our customers to make full use of these new facilities, we have conducted intensive behavioral studies to develop appropriate procedures for their use. Please read the procedures that apply to you (i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember them when you use our new machines for the first time.
Procedures For Our Male Customers:
01. Drive up to the cash machine.
02. Wind down your car window.
03. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
04. Enter amount of cash required.
05. Retrieve card, cash, and receipt.
06. Wind up window.
07. Drive off.
Procedures For Our Female Customers:
01. Drive up to cash machine.
02. Reverse back the required amount to align car window with cash machine.
03. Restart the stalled engine.
04. Wind down the window.
05. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
06. Turn the radio down.
07. Attempt to insert card into machine.
08. Open car door to allow easier access to cash machine due to excessive distance from the car.
09. Insert card.
10. Reinsert card the right way up.
11. Reenter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
12. Enter PIN.
13. Press "Cancel" and reenter correct PIN.
14. Enter amount of cash required.
15. Check make-up in rear view mirror.
16. Retrieve cash and receipt.
17. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
18. Place receipt in back of check book.
19. Recheck make-up.
20. Drive forward 2 meters.
21. Reverse back to cash machine.
22. Retrieve card.
23. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
24. Restart stalled engine and drive off.
25. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
26. Release hand brake.
Source Unknown. Forwarded by Bob, of San Jose, California
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee of participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthousiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
Buck Hunter Shoots Off His Mouth
What do you think of Indonesia's Megawati?
Dear Political Analyst
The biggest bulb I have it 200 watts, in the barn. I guess they must use bigger ones in some places.
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— Sam Aurelius Milam III, editor