Please
Don't, Mr. President
Jim Sullivan
Please,
President Bush, after you're through with Iraq, don't attack Canada next.
They don't have any weapons of mass destruction. Admittedly, they
do have a missile but, in reality, it's just a puck. You know, that
hard rubber piece of sports equipment used to slide across the ice rink
to score goals in the game of hockey.
Yes,
they have lots of pucks and, to fire them, Canadians have plenty of hockey
sticks, too. And a puck could hurt an American, if he or she were
unlucky enough to get hit with a slap shot, for instance. But otherwise,
a puck isn't lethal. In fact, it's basically a peaceful missile.
Canada,
being as close as it is to the U.S., could easily lob something far more
unpleasant, like a stink bomb, over the border. That could do some
damage to U.S. citizens and to their property. But why would Canadians
do such a thing? Sure, they might want to exact revenge for the awful
U.S. TV programs that float over the airwaves into Canada. The same
goes for U.S. radio.
And
Canadians could be extremely unhappy about what's occurred to their beloved
dollar. It was once worth more than a U.S. greenback. But that's
no longer the case. Today, a Canadian dollar is worth about half
a U.S. buck.
But
to offset all those negative facts, many Hollywood movie makers are currently
producing their films in Canada. That's being done for altruistic
reasons and because labor is cheaper there. That certainly helps
Canadian employment. And, lately, many elderly U.S. citizens have
been taking bus trips to Canada to buy medical prescriptions, which are
much less costly up there, possibly because Canadians truly care about
their senior citizens. So, pharmacists up north are cleaning up.
Canadians thus have no reason to totally dislike the U.S. or to harm its
people. Quite to the contrary.
And
don't forget, Mr. President, Canada is supplying a big portion of America's
oil needs nowadays. Why, then, should the U.S. alienate a major oil
supplier? It surely makes good business sense not to do so.
If
you started hostilities with Canada, President Bush, it's a pretty safe
bet that Great Britain would take umbrage and stop being a U.S. ally.
After all, Britain is a much closer friend of the Canadians. It may
have something to do with the U.S. rebelling against King George III, while
Canadians didn't, way back in 1776.
Moreover,
American folks can't continue to blame or to seek to get even with Canada
because its ally, Britain, burned the U.S. capitol and White House in Washington
D.C. during the War of 1812. Though few in this country were taught
so in school, or remember it, American forces torched Canada's capitol
first!
Overall,
Mr. President, there's no good reason to attack, bomb, strafe, or invade
Canada. They're a long-time, friendly neighbor. And it's to
the Canadians that U.S. individuals owe so much for so many good things
in life, like the game of hockey. Don't forget, most of the National
Hockey League players on U.S. teams don't come from the U.S.A., but from
Canada!
And
so to you, President Bush, to Vice President Cheney, and to the cabinet
members, please stay calm and work with, not against, Canadians to keep
terrorists out of that country and this one.
You
may recall, too, gentlemen, that Canadians and U.S. citizens do speak almost
the same language!![10x5 Page Background GIF Image](../../Images/10x5_Page_Background.gif)
Late Night Presidential Humor
Forwarded By Citizen Assistance Network, Supportcan--9433632@Autocontactor.Com
See,
President Bush may be the smartest military president in history.
First, he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he
declares war.
Jay Leno
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