My
parents were Catholic, so I was born into the creed. Mom and dad
put me and my siblings through the faith's traditional religious hoops:
Mass every Sunday, every Holy Day, and then some; Baptism;
Confession; First Holy Communion; and Confirmation. I
did a short stint in a Roman Catholic seminary, a high school that prepared
youth like me for future ordination or for other professions, but I didn't
complete the Holy Orders. I had thought that I wanted to become a
priest, but I left that place early. When asked why by family and
friends, I admitted that I had been overwhelmed by puberty. Eventually
I was married, so I include Holy Matrimony in the list of sacraments.
So far, I haven't qualified for the Last Rites, now known as 'The Anointing
of the Sick', which would round out the possible sacraments that could
be received by a Roman Catholic. I hope that I don't qualify for
the Last Rites, whatever they're called, for a long, long time. However,
when I do, I won't be receiving them because I'm no longer a Roman Catholic.
My
departure from my inherited faith was in the early 1970s, and without fanfare
or public announcement. It followed Vatican II, a Roman Catholic
Church Council called by Pope John XXIII, which impelled me into a long
search to find out where I belonged in religion. Before I left the
church and religion in general, I read Darwin, Copernicus, Galileo, and
others. Moreover, that's when I first cracked open the Bible and
read from it. Along the way, I investigated many other Christian
Churches and non-Christian faiths. None suited me better than Roman
Catholicism, which no longer suited me.
People,
especially my dear, still Roman Catholic mother, ask me every so often
why I left the church. I tell them, and her, that many things contributed:
questions about how the church treats women, why there aren't any married
clerics, and my dislike for the Legion of Decency, a Roman Catholic group
that made lists of movies telling me (and worse, my parents) what I could
and couldn't see. To me it was a form of mind control.
Yes,
leaving the church was traumatic. However, I had been withdrawing
from it little by little through the years. Over that time, I had
half-heartedly participated in the Mass, which I regularly attended for
the sake of my wife and children. Slowly, however, I quit my involvement.
I stopped saying the prayers, taking Communion, going to Confession, and
kneeling and standing when appropriate during Mass. Instead, I just
sat through it all.
The
only thing I never dropped was singing at Mass. Most Catholics, at
least in the churches that I attended, didn't sing. Those who did
seldom really belted out the tune, despite being backed by a mighty, musical
organ and/or other instruments. In any case, heathen though I had
become, I loved to sing and the louder the better. I only tuned my
volume down when my spouse or older children frowned at me during a particularly
rousing number. When I finally no longer attended Mass at all, to
avoid the appearance of hypocrisy to my immediate family and to myself,
I missed that singing, and I still do.
However,
church music blurred into the background of my concerns at that point.
My mind was filled with worry about God's wrath: like being struck
dead by lightning or my kids or spouse being afflicted with some incurable
ailment or receiving a terrible injury, just to punish me for my sin of
leaving the church. Well, nearly thirty years has now elapsed and
nothing has happened that I believe to be the anticipated punishment.
Of course, we've had our dramatic ups and downs like all families, religious
or not. We even lost one of our four adult children. That devastated
all of us, but no one has ever blamed my leaving the church for her death
and I don't blame myself for it.
Although
today I believe in an inexplicable Higher Power, I did give up my religious
faith and I have not adopted another one. However, my beliefs don't
have anything at all to do with errant priests molesting children or the
failure of church authorities to address it. Although the Roman Catholic
Church does need to correct that problem, although the Roman Catholic Church
is flawed like any religion, I still hold it in high esteem. It just
shares with all of the others a common characteristic. It no longer
fits my needs.
Please use the enclosed envelope to send a contribution.
I prefer cash. For checks or money orders, please inquire.
For PayPal payments, use frontiersman@ida.net.
frontiersman@ida.net |
Frontiersman,
1510 North 22nd Drive, Show Low, Arizona 85901
Also see Pharos at http://www.ida.net/users/pharos/ |
September 2004
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