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After
enduring feminist nonsense about gender equality for the past 30 or so
years, I particularly appreciate Chapter 25, Be a Diplomat in the Male
Culture.
Such attitudes in a wife probably seem like a dream to most husbands and like a nightmare to most wives. However, women shouldn't be put off by the "return to the Dark Ages" that might seemingly be implied by Laura Doyle's advice. As she states in her Introduction,
I think that Laura Doyle's predictions of universally wonderful responses from husbands might be unduly optimistic. I think that many husbands might "take advantage" of the kind of behavior that she advises, rather than responding to it in kind, as she predicts. Even so, her suggestions are certainly worth a try. What does a wife have to lose? If surrendering doesn't work then she can always return to being a shrew and a nag. If surrendering does work then as Laura Doyle repeatedly assures us the rewards are worth more than any amount of effort that might have been necessary to achieve them. Later in her book, Laura Doyle briefly addresses her expectations as a feminist in the workplace. This next statement comes from Chapter 13, Abandon the Myth of Equality.
Fortunately, only a very small part of her book deals with that topic. It would have been better if she had left it out altogether because it doesn't have anything to do with marriage and it reveals her very inconsistent view of men. She appears to regard men at work as a completely different species than husbands. She seems to believe that all of the gender considerations and attitudes regarding husbands that she so wonderfully addresses in the major part of her book don't have any relevance at all to men at work. It's a sadly typical feminist misconception regarding men at work. My favorite statement of it is that feminists expect men at work to successfully pretend that women at work have nothing but a smooth piece of skin between their legs, kind of like a Barbie Doll. In fact, we all know better. I'm reminded of an incident that occurred back during my days as a For PayPal payments, use Pharos_Website@frontiernet.net.
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Nuclear Engineer at GE. A female colleague
came into my office and, noticing my Playboy calendar, commented that one
of the women in the calendar that year looked exactly like her. I
flipped through the pictures and, pointing, said, "That one." The
woman was outraged that I would know so accurately the appearance of her
naked body. She even seemed to think that I might somehow have been
spying on her. Maybe she never heard about interpolating within the
known data. The fact is that a woman is always completely naked under
her clothes and there isn't anything at all that she can do about it.
If she's uncomfortable about that then she should probably avoid the proximity
of men. From Laura Doyle's brief treatment of workplace relationships,
I'd guess that she's utterly unaware of such attitudes in men. Of
course, we don't usually reveal those attitudes to women.
Laura Doyle displays additional naiveté in Chapter 20, Say Yes to Sex, one of the chapters in which she deals with sexual intercourse in marriage. From time to time throughout the book, she acknowledges two categories of men: Good Guys and Creeps. I have the impression that she perceives those two categories to be mutually exclusive and sufficient to include all possible living men. It's the typically narrow feminist view of diversity among men. In the section titled The Seven Sexual Myths, she asserts that a Good Guy will never seek sexual intercourse outside of his own marriage, regardless of the provocation. I'm particularly annoyed by her simplistic view that a man who is "sleeping with other women" is a sex addict. Does a preference for variety in my diet cause be to be a food addict? Nonsense. She devotes at least two chapters to giving advice about how a wife can get more and better sex from her husband. Why doesn't that make the wife a sex addict? The answer is that the whole concept of sexual addiction is nonsense. My observations and experiences reveal a different view of male sexual fidelity, or lack thereof, than the one that Laura Doyle imagines. Monogamy is a favored goal of many ideologies and a cherished fantasy of most wives, at least regarding their own husbands. Promiscuity is discouraged by social pressure and by the fear of consequences. However, monogamy isn't natural male behavior. As a previous girlfriend used to say, "a man will always take it when it's offered" if he thinks that he can get away with it. For the record, I'll note that we couldn't have all those affairs unless there were a lot of available women. My experience is that women are just as naturally promiscuous as men. Note that an office affair includes both a man and a woman. Also, being married is almost never a deterrent. Some of the best girlfriends are married women. Most of the advice that Laura Doyle gives regarding the proper management of sexual behavior by wives is good advice. Chapters 19 and 20 are, mostly, a wonderful exposition of enlightened sexual behavior in the specific situation of monogamous heterosexual marriage. However, her unquestioning acceptance of things that are NOT foregone conclusions such as the supposed harm of unconventional relationships or adolescent sex and the supposed validity of notions like sexual addiction and date rape are a disappointing aspect of her book. For the most part, the book is well written, entertaining, informative, and easy to read. The very short topical sections make it easy to lay the book down and pick it up again later. A very small portion of the book is based on misinformation, ignorance, naiveté, or an excessively uncritical acceptance of certain politically correct ideas. By far, however, most of the book is an engaging and articulate explanation of a wonderful philosophy about how to be a good wife. I'd say that it's well worth reading. Women will learn how to be better wives and men might get some insight about how to appreciate, protect, and cherish a good wife when they're lucky enough to have one. The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide for Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace With a Man, by Laura Doyle, A Fireside Book Published by Simon & Schuster, New York, London, Toronto, Sydney, Singapore, Copyright © 1999, 2001 by Laura Doyle, paperback, 285 pages, ISBN 0-7432-0444-1 Special thanks to Sir Donald the Elusive for donating the book. editor
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Acknowledgments My thanks to the following: Sir James the Bold, SantaClara Bob, Lady Jan the Voluptuous, C. Victor G., of Tonopah, Arizona, Joseph, of Northridge, California, Stephen, of Fremont, California, and Sir John the Generous. editor
Music Lover
Dear Music Lover I got a Walkman but I never heard of a Teleman. I just use the phone in the kitchen. You know you're in California when ....
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