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Two
Plans for the Price of One
Fiction by Sam Aurelius Milam III My original plan had been ta just drop the stuff on the freeway. I wanted to stir up the Hazmat goons, get 'em to close the freeway for about six hours, which is about how long I figured it'd take 'em to discover that the stuff was just flour. I figured that, on a freeway, it'd take at least 200 pounds to even be noticed, so that's how much I had. Naturally, I bought it a little bit at a time from a whole bunch of different stores. Nobody'd ever figure out that I was the one that did it. My plan changed a few days before I'd been quite ready to dump the stuff. It happened one evenin' at a block party at the guy's house at the end of my block. He got to rantin' and ravin' about bleedin' heart liberals and said he didn't need no damned right to remain silent cause he didn't have nothin' to hide noway. Said he didn't care about SWAT teams 'cause he wasn't doin nothin' wrong noway. Lot of stupid crap like that. I decided the guy needed a lesson in practical government and I saw just how I could give it to him. I strolled around his place enjoyin' the party and it only took me about ten minutes to learn all I needed to know. By the time the party was over, he thought I was his best friend and his strongest supporter. I was the last to leave. Hell, I damned near tucked him in bed. He'd had way too much to drink and I was sure he'd be asleep by the time I got home, two houses down. I figured that he'd sleep 'til the gestapo thugs woke him up. Before I left, I loosened the bulbs in his porch light and made sure the gate to his yard was unlocked. I went home just for appearances, never know who might be watchin, and then snuck back. I went into his back yard, got his wheel barrow, and brought it home. By then, the neighborhood was dead to the world. I moved all my sacks of flour to his patio and started dumpin' flour into his wheel barrow. One thing I hadn't quite solved yet was how to avoid spillin' flour on my garage floor but now it didn't matter. It was his patio, not my garage, and the mess on the floor fit my revised plan perfectly. I dumped the empty sacks in his garbage can, just outside his fence, and left the lid off so the sacks would be easier to see. I left the extra sacks of flour on his patio, as further evidence, and dumped the wheel barrow full of flour in the middle of the intersection at his corner. I only used one wheel barrow load because I didn't want to risk a second trip after there was already flour on the road. I put his wheel barrow back by his garage and went home. I took off my sneakers and walked bare footed for fear of leavin' flour tracks. At home, I started all my clothes runnin' in the washin' machine, even the sneakers, took a shower and went to bed. Them Hazmat thugs was a lot faster than I expected. It was only a couple a hours before they was bangin' on doors. Unknown material on the street. Possible act of terrorism. They herded us all over to the high school gym and started servin' coffee and donuts, just like they'd been expectin' it. I was surprised at how quick they zeroed in on the culprit. It wasn't much more than a hour before a gang of grim-faced thugs in uniform and a couple a super goons in trench coats came stalkin' in and asked for my neighbor by name. Somebody pointed at him, he looked puzzled, and they surrounded him with weapons drawn. Beginnin' of his lesson in practical government. I don't know how long the lesson is gonna last or what his final exam is gonna be but I had a Hell of a time hidin' my gleeful grin when they started readin' him 'is so-called rights. He's got a lot to learn yet but it's a start. Yaaaahoooo! The Dirty Trickster rides again! Well, this time I just sat and watched. Stray Thoughts
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Letters to the Editor
This message is in response to the message from Karl, of Windsor, Connecticut, on page 3 of the May issue. editor
I got to thinking that many animals like horses, dogs, etc. have inborn "herd instincts" where there is a leader and a "pecking" order. There is a survival advantage to this. The strongest and most assertive is the one that gets to reproduce and lead the herd. But it means that each member has to continually fight for his/her position in the herd. And each herd has to fight the others for food and territorial rights. In big cities, gangs of humans act the same way. I would say this quality is inborn in humans too. Sir John the Generous
This message is in response to the article "Tar Baby AOL", on page 1 of the May issue. editor
OK I've never did AOL but had same problem when give to Shady fly by night ISP who had my Credit Card. Well I even shoved a note through the door, sent email, blah blah blah. Then one day I found out that 1000 dollars worth of internet purchases was rung up over the weekend. No loss to me because I found out Monday. The only thing you can do is: Request a new credit card number from the bank. not just a new card a new number to go along with it. Carolyn C.
Dear Frontiersman, After reading several issues, all I can say is "Wake up people". Be advised. There are some of us that have gone to the government training schools (Bragg, Benning etc.) and a few of us have been to the farm. Rest assured folks, there are thousands of active and retired old warriors who will not allow "Our" government to oppress its citizens. Believe this people, the government and its cronies don't remember their history to well. They fail to remember what a ragtag bunch of militiamen can do. We/they are better trained, better equipped, and more motivated than some 3rd world militia. So basically, in all reality, the government will be farting in a whirlwind once they try to install their dictatorship. And yes, he (not saying who, but you all know) will head for his spider hole, but we are patient, he'll come out. And yes, he'll be held accountable for his actions. So don't worry people. They may try, but to no avail. It'll be rough for a short time, but America has ways of dealing with tyrants. Ballot box or cartridge box, as you see, the ballot box didn't work. Thank you for hearing this out. Take care and prepare. Sincerely, Tyrone Bumperjack Washington III United States Special Field Forces/ California Militia 75th California Light Infantry PS Hello Santa Clara Family Members, "L&GR&KR&FK&KJ&D" The enemy isn't just bullets. The enemy is also incrementalism. I can remember when the thumb print on the California driver's license was voluntary. They just passed Real ID. I can remember buying train tickets anonymously. Now, you need "valid photo ID" to travel. I remember the miniseries Amerika: "Totalitarianism doesn't need armies. It only needs to control a couple of things. The media, and the ability to dispense privilege to some and to withhold it from others. But of course, a weak and divided people helps." Being prepared for combat is a good thing but if we do our jobs properly, then combat won't be necessary. A warrior's most important duty is always to make combat unnecessary. While we're preparing for combat, what are we doing to fight incrementalism? editor
I agree w/Joseph of Northridge [food banks, ID, and the sheeple, April 2005, page 5 editor], and the only explanation is the Public Fool System! The dumbing down of the US Slaves can only be accomplished by "economic" complacency which they won't recognize until way after it is too late! Then the culture shock will "eliminate" MILLIONS!! And Stalin & Hitler will look like archangels in comparison! If people won't educate themselves AND their neighbors, the powers that be win by divide & conquer! The BEST slave is the one they've convinced is FREE!! .... an inmate
I've asserted many times that people won't care about repressive government until the gestapo kicks down their door and, by then, it's too late. editor
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Acknowledgments My thanks to the following: Sir James the Bold, SantaClara Bob, Lady Jan the Voluptuous, and Sir Donald the Elusive. editor
Farm Boy
Dear Farm Boy You're supposed to skip them across water? Church Bloopers
Bible Q&As Original Source Unknown. Forwarded by Carolyn C.
A Billion Original Source Unknown. Forwarded by Don G. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective.
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