I Love My Local TV News Program
Jim Sullivan
I
can't wait for 6 p.m. to come every day. That's when my local TV
news program airs for a whole half hour. It's so darn much fun and
chock full of stuff that I can hardly stand it. Usually, therefore,
I sit down to watch.
That
show provides me my daily ration of entertainment. Here's how.
First, it has up to a whole 2 minutes of actual news headline coverage.
Sure, half of it is sometimes national in scope, which will be shown again
on the networks immediately following, but that's only done on the local
program for slow news days.
During
that nightly 120 seconds of news concerning airplane, train, and auto crashes,
disastrous explosions, serial murders, and student shootings at elementary
schools and high schools, the local program is replete with silly jokes,
good-natured ribbing, and inane chitchat between and among news anchors
and field reporters.
As
the entire local news program has only 8 minutes of commercials, a whopping
22 minutes is left over for subject matter. The actual news, mentioned
above, cuts the time down to 20 minutes. That's plenty of time, though,
for the remaining stuff to be aired. It includes up to 4 minutes
devoted exclusively to bake and candy sales for charities, almost 5 minutes
of health features for retirees, pregnant mothers, and people with ingrown
toenails, and at least 10 and up to 12 seconds for stock market reports.
Sports gets a measly 5 minutes.
That
last mentioned item is often filled with talking heads. Coaches mostly.
Seldom do players, for some reason, get on camera. The heads that
air (air heads?) are always asked and as often respond to the same "key"
question: "What're the keys to winning today's or tomorrow's athletic
contest?" Of course, and as ever, the replies are, "The key to winning
is for us to outscore our opponents!" Also shown in the sports segment
are a total of 17 seconds of video coverage of 8 games. It might
be football, basketball, hockey, or baseball, depending upon the season.
Some of it will be high school or college, the rest pros.
With
the remaining 6 minutes of the news program, local weather is reported
and repeated 8 times. That, I guess, is to let those three or four
people who tuned in late know what the weather was, is, or could be.
After the fourth repetition, I, for one, can recite the weather word for
word.
The
beauty of all this is that between the numerous weather reports and the
all-too-short sports segment, anchors and special reporters can joke on
the air about their favorite topics and gas over completely unrelated matters.
After
watching the local evening news, I always feel better, light hearted and
light headed. By then, my supper is fully digested, too. And
then I can do what I have to do.
Of
course, if I really want to know what's going on locally or nationally,
I can, and do, subscribe to a local daily newspaper. Besides providing
news headlines, it reports stories in depth, puts them into perspective,
gives differing views, covers more subjects, and mentions things never
seen on TV, like births, deaths, all crime, local government and school
reports, editorials, op-eds, sports with detailed stats, and weather in
detail. The newspaper also provides political cartoons, letters to
the editor, funny pages, TV schedules, a crossword puzzle, etc. And
I can read my newspaper once or as often as I want, whenever I so desire.
What's more, when I'm all through reading it, I can use it to line my waste
basket.
Nevertheless,
I sure do enjoy my local TV news program for its rapid-fire humor, shallow,
meaningless journalists' conversations, miscellaneous but limited headlines,
and information features for women in a family way. Don't forget,
then, to tune in daily to your own sparkling half hour of local TV news.
It'll give you a relaxing belly full of light and easy entertainment.![10x5 Page Background GIF Image](../../Images/10x5_Page_Background.gif)
Stray Thoughts
Sam Aurelius Milam III
Dropout
— I used to get really annoyed with the weather reports. I don't
want a wanabe professor to give me a class in meteorology. I don't
CARE why it will rain or not rain. I just want to know if it's gonna
rain! The forecast shouldn't take more than 20 seconds.![10x5 Page Background GIF Image](../../Images/10x5_Page_Background.gif)
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February 2006 |
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