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John Fitzgerald Byers, of The X-Files
and The Lone Gunmen
Government in Distress Sam Aurelius Milam III Since before I began writing this newsletter, I've been affixing U.S. flag stamps to my mail upside down. In the maritime tradition, flying a ship's flag upside down is recognized as a sign of distress. Thus, to display the U.S. flag upside down is to declare, by analogy, that the U.S. government is in distress. Most people who display the flag upside down are indicating a desire to do something to relieve the distress. My purpose is very different. The U.S. government is the most powerful, the most arrogant, and the most brutal terrorist organization on Earth. It has occupied America, enslaved Americans, and obstructed the fundamental principles of liberty for which America should have been a haven. It's a tool of aggression for a gang of thugs and cutthroats who are intent upon spreading their vile domination to all of the peoples of the Earth. It's the enemy of anybody, anywhere who seeks liberty. It's my enemy. Among my various goals are the termination of the U.S. government and the restoration of liberty upon this continent. Thus, when I display the U.S. flag upside down, it doesn't signify a desire to relieve the distress. It doesn't represent a sense of regret or of despair. The greater is the distress of the U.S. government, the greater is the hope that it will soon be gone. When I display the flag upside down, it declares a sense of hope. I hope that I might live long enough to see the U.S. government end. Position
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Lobbyist Turnabout
Satire by Jim Sullivan Washington DC A small but powerful lobbyist group has dropped that word from all of its advertising and has designated itself "The Hour Men," according to an unnamed industry source. Moreover, they have influenced legislation to be enacted that lobbyists, so-called, shall be banned forever from the U.S. Capital city, from State capitals, and from any and all seats of local governments. The premise for this harsh legislation is to save the country from so many lobbyists. Such people, according to another unnamed source, this time within the federal government, have pedaled influence for those who paid enormous sums to have certain viewpoints represented. As a consequence, lobbyists have been wreaking havoc for decades in the political process within and without the United States. All branches of federal, state, and local government, therefore, have become far too responsive to lobbyists representing corporations, institutions, and other organizations. This has left the average U.S. citizen with little or no influence over the political representatives. Therefore, these influence peddlers, lobbyists in other words, under the new legislation are being rounded up and detained at internment centers in various remote locations inside the state of Montana. In that jurisdiction, a multitude of non-torture tactics, like waterboarding, loud music, and being put in uncomfortable positions (stood on their head, hoisted in the air with ropes attached to their wrists, spread-eagled on a concrete floor with speed bumps under their torsos), are being employed to get these predatory capitalists to confess to their high crimes and misdemeanors in influence peddling. Once such persons admit to actually lobbying government authorities, a large, green, capital letter "L" is tattooed on their foreheads. Afterwards, the self-confessed perpetrators are shipped via UPS to a retraining center in Idaho. They will remain there for a year during which the tattooed individuals will pick potatoes and be taught daily lessons in how to live away from government officials, those who want influence with them, and free goodies. Once adequately trained, such former lobbyists will be released into general society. Though they may do anything they would like to do to earn a living (including picking potatoes), they are forbidden from ever again dealing with governments or with those in authority in big business. The non-lobbying American population knows full well that they should have no dealings, flirtations, or conversations with those tattooed with the letter "L." Moreover, former lobbyists may never again have any free lunches, golf outings, vacations at pricey resorts, Caribbean or Hawaiian cruises, travel of any kind, beer, booze, or wine of any brand, etc. Such persons must forevermore pay personally for everything they get. Yes, such treatment brings yelps of true pain, but it's for their own good. "The U.S. citizen will be much better off for the preceding having occurred," says a representative of The Hour Men, the only group now legally allowed to pedal influence to government agencies for business and industry sources. Letter to the Editor
a prisoner
Stray Thoughts
Sam Aurelius Milam III Thou Shalt Not Come Here I don't think that the Bible says, "Thou shalt not ride a skateboard at church". Nevertheless, there sure seem to be a lot of churches that prohibit kids from riding skateboards in the church parking lot. The people at those same churches whine that kids don't like to go to church. Well? Duh? If you impose enough restrictions on them, then they'll go somewhere else. I think that an occasional scratch in the paint on some stuffed-shirt's car in the church parking lot is a small price to pay for having young people in the church. For PayPal payments, use editor@frontiersman.my3website.net.
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Acknowledgments My thanks to the following: Sir James the Bold; SantaClara Bob; Lady Jan the Voluptuous; Lord Jeffrey the Studious; my mother; Sir John the Generous; Sir Donald the Elusive; and Millie, of Baltimore, Maryland. editor
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