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Request for Help
Sam Aurelius Milam III A Summary of My Situation In spite of the James Majeski Living Trust, in which I'm designated as the beneficiary and by which I'm guaranteed a lifetime tenancy, James Majeski has recently announced the rental to someone else of the bedroom that he had previously promised, both orally and in the Trust, would be mine for the rest of my life. That has forced me, on very short notice, to seek temporary sleeping accommodations in another location. All of my possessions that were previously in the bedroom must now be stored elsewhere. Additionally, James Majeski has threatened to start charging me rent retroactive to January, even though he's well aware that he had previously agreed to provide donated accommodations for the rest of my life. His attitude has changed sufficiently that I'm concerned for the safety of my office and my other possessions, the majority of which haven't yet been moved because I don't presently have any place to move them. Consequently, I fear that I might arrive one day and find either the locks changed or my possessions all sitting out by the street. For now, I'm continuing to perform most of the duties to which I originally agreed when we made the deal. However, I must find somewhere else to live. Because of my inability to pay the cost of moving my possessions to a remote location, and for other good reasons, I'd very much like to remain in this local vicinity. The cost of a small mobile home on a small lot in this area begins at about $60,000 and goes up from there. I'm hereby requesting contributions toward the acquisition of such property or the actual acquisition of the property for me. If I'm not able to acquire something appropriate in this local area, then I'll also need contributions to cover the cost of moving to another location. A Summary of My Needs I'll need at least 700 sq. ft. of floor space plus kitchen, laundry, and bathroom facilities. That's about what's normally provided in a 14x60 single-wide mobile home. However, I'm not overly particular about what kind of a structure it is. A barn, a quonset hut, a mobile home, an old gas station or church, or a geodesic dome will do, so long as it's weatherproof, it's in reliable condition, and I can keep it warm in the winter. Of course, a real house would be preferable. I'll need access to the U.S. mail, a telephone line, and the internet. Due to my undocumented status, I'll need for someone else to legally own the place. That being the case, I'll need some kind of an arrangement, such as a trust or a will, whereby I'll be authorized to stay in the place for the rest of my life if the owner dies before I do. Sharing space with another person has always caused problems for me, as in the present situation, so I'm not willing to share the space with anybody else. I want to live alone. Please contact me if you can provide such an arrangement or if you can provide contributions toward such an arrangement. The Church Organist Original Source Unknown. Forwarded by Don G. Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom. Imagine his surprise. Imagine his curiosity. Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something. When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and the strange floater but soon it got the better of him. He couldn't resist any longer. "Miss Bea," he said pointing to the bowl, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" "Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know? I haven't had a cold all winter." For PayPal payments, use editor@frontiersman.my3website.net.
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Acknowledgments My thanks to the following: SantaClara Bob; Lady Jan the Voluptuous; Lord Jeffrey the Studious; my mother; Ernie and Claire, of Show Low, Arizona; Jules, of Tucson, Arizona; Carl, of Gramling, South Carolina; and Sir Donald the Elusive. editor
Changing Times Original Source Unknown. Forwarded by Steve, of Fremont, California. Scenario: Little Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He's found crying by his teacher, Mrs. Johnson, who hugs him to comfort him. 1956: In a short time little Johnny feels better. He goes on playing. 2006: A policeman patrolling the school observes Mrs. Johnson hugging Johnny. Shes accused of being a sexual predator, loses her job, and is sentenced to 3 years in the State Prison. Little Johnny and his entire family are sent to trauma counseling. Frontiersman Subscriptions and Back Issues Printed copies of this newsletter, either subscriptions or back issues, are available by application only. Cancellations If you don't want to keep receiving this newsletter, then print REFUSED, RETURN TO SENDER above your name and address and return the newsletter. When I receive it, I'll terminate your subscription. You can also cancel by letter, e-mail, carrier pigeon, or any other method that gets the message to me. Reprint Policy Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this newsletter in its entirety or to reproduce material from it, provided that the reproduction is accurate and that proper credit is given. Please note that I do not have the authority to give permission to reprint material that I have reprinted from other sources. For that permission, you must go to the original source. I would appreciate receiving a courtesy copy of any document or publication in which you reprint my material. Submissions I solicit letters, articles, and cartoons for the newsletter, but I don't pay for them. Short items are more likely to be printed. I suggest that letters and articles be shorter than 500 words but that's flexible depending on space available and the content of the piece. I give credit for all items printed unless the author specifies otherwise. Payment This newsletter isn't for sale. If you care to make a voluntary contribution, then I prefer cash or U.S. postage stamps. For checks or money orders please inquire. For PayPal payments, use editor@frontiersman.my3website.net. The continued existence of the newsletter will depend, in part, on such contributions. I don't accept anything that requires me to provide ID to receive it. In case anybody's curious, I also accept gold, silver, platinum, etc. Sam Aurelius Milam III, editor
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