Frontiersman, November 2007

Notice:
This issue of the Frontiersman contains contact information that is out-of-date. For current contact information, click here.

Frontiersman, November 2007

Escuela Lesson
Sam Aurelius Milam III
Many years ago, while I lived in Mountain View, California, I lived at an address on Escuela Avenue. Escuela was a dead end street but a rather long one. At one end, Escuela intersected Latham Street, a main residential street. At the other end of Escuela was a chain-link fence at the rear of a shopping center. The shopping center opened at its front onto S. Rengstorff Avenue. Rengstorff Avenue also intersected Latham Street. Rengstorff and Escuela were parallel, with Latham connecting between them. The only way to drive from the far end of Escuela to the shopping center was to drive to Latham and then to Rengstorff. Since Escuela was a rather long street, somebody had made a hole in the chain-link fence behind the shopping center. Local people routinely walked through the hole in the fence to get to the shopping center, saving themselves a considerable walk along Escuela to Latham, from there to Rengstorff, and all the way back along Rengstorff to the shopping center.
One day, I was out riding my bicycle for no particular reason. I just needed to get out to the house for a while. I was married at the time so that probably explains it. Anyway, having been in the vicinity of the shopping center, I turned the corner from Rengstorff onto Latham, heading for Escuela. I noticed, standing part of the way along my route, three young girls. They were just loitering on the sidewalk, with nothing in particular to do, and acting silly as young girls are prone to do.
Neither me nor the young girls paid much attention to one another as I rode past them, no more so than strangers would normally pay to one another during a chance and insignificant encounter.
I rode up Escuela and past my house. I wasn't ready to go back home. At the end of Escuela, I rode through the gap in the chain-link fence, through the parking lot of the shopping center, and out onto Rengstorff. As yet, I didn't have any kind of a plan.
As I came around the corner from Rengstorff onto Latham for the second time, the young girls took more notice of me. As I rode past them, pretending to ignore them, I noticed that they were surreptitiously watching me with considerable curiosity and whispering things to one another. Only the people at the other end of Escuela knew about the hole in the fence. I speculated that the girls probably knew only that Escuela was a dead-end street and weren't aware that it was possible for me to ride around the block. Immediately, I had a plan.
I rode to the end of Escuela, through the gap in the fence, through the shopping center parking lot, and back out onto Rengstorff. When I rode around the corner onto Latham for the third time, the girls were staring at me in open-mouthed surprise. I rode past them, pretending to act like I'd never before laid eyes on them in my entire life.
I rode to the end of Escuela, through the gap in the fence, through the shopping center parking lot, and back onto Rengstorff. When I rode around the corner onto Latham for the fourth time, the girls were jumping up and down, shrieking hysterically, and pointing at me.
I stopped by the girls and, when they'd caught their breath, I innocently asked, "I'm looking for my three twin brothers. Have you seen them?"
Jumping up and down and pointing up Escuela Avenue, they shrieked, "They went thataway! They went thataway!"
I rode up Escuela Avenue in pursuit of my fictitious brothers, headed home at last and satisfied with my day's work. I left the young girls to exclaim upon and ponder the many and varied wonders of the world.

Please use the enclosed envelope to send a contribution. I prefer cash. For checks or money orders, please inquire.
For PayPal payments, use editor@frontiersman.my3website.net.

November 2007

Frontiersman, ^c/o 2305 W. Sylvester Circle, Show Low, Arizona 85901

Page 1

A Matter of Choice
G. W. Brown

We are living in a society where people in one politically correct faction corrupt the hopes and pleasures of other people. One good example is smoking. It has long been under attack.

I'm 54 years old and I have seen many changes. When I was a child, it was commonplace for people to smoke, chew, and dip. The little church that I attended had spittoons at the ends of the pews. Elections were held at the old school house. Spittoons were in every classroom. Teachers smoked at their desks and in the dining room. On television, all of the adults smoked. My grandmother dipped snuff and my grandpa smoked a pipe. It seemed a natural and normal order of things.

My dad and my uncles raised tobacco. It was their cash crop. Cutting tobacco every fall was how I earned my fair money. It was a good lesson in work ethics.

When I got older and went to work, everyone smoked at their work stations. Back then, it just seemed like the natural order of things.

The eighties was a time of separation. Second hand smoke became the ultimate violation. Businesses introduced non-smoking break rooms and restaurants introduced non-smoking areas. Today, smokers are banished outside. Even the old and the near dead in nursing homes must be wheeled outside to enjoy, before death, a pleasure that they enjoyed for all of their lives. Those who choose to smoke must now suffer high taxes that rival even those that led to the Boston Tea Party.

Things appear to be only getting worse. Anti-smoking activists have the political clout. They want to force their will on smokers and non-smokers alike. They want to eliminate any choice as to whether or not to light up. If they get their way, then it will be illegal for individuals to smoke even in their own cars or homes. It's 1984, with Big Brother calling all of the shots.

In Cookeville, we have started our own political activist group. We advocate smokers' rights. We are trying to put together a newsletter that will correct the unfair achievements of the anti-smoking activists. Our goals are:

1.		Dignity to die for older smokers in nursing homes who are being forced to quit.
2.		The right to smoke in one's own home or car.
3.		An end to the taxation of tobacco products for no better reason than that tobacco is considered to be a luxury.
4.		The return of smoking areas to all businesses, including restaurants. People who don't want to be exposed to second-hand smoke need not enter those areas.
5.		Voter registration drives for smokers.

The group and the newsletter will be called NEVER. It stands for Nicotine Enthusiasts Vowing Equal Rights.

You can write to NEVER at:

NEVER

POB 383

Cookville, Tennessee 38503

Please send 3 stamps for a copy of the first newsletter, planned to come out in November.

Miss Information
Sam Aurelius Milam III

I once knew a woman who, while she was pregnant, got really tired of doctors and nurses harassing her about her smoking. The woman believed that smoking by pregnant women doesn't hurt their babies. Her belief was based on her observations of the behavior of other women that she knew, particularly her sisters. She had observed that various of her pregnant friends (and sisters) used recreational drugs but, when questioned by medical people during pre-natal care, invariable reported only that they smoked cigarettes. They did so because using recreational drugs was illegal and smoking cigarettes wasn't. The woman asserted that the practice was sufficiently widespread that it corrupted medical opinion on the subject. That is, the problems caused by the drugs were erroneously attributed to the cigarettes. Her observations, in my opinion, have a lot of credibility. Indeed, I suspect that she was entirely correct. She smoked like a chimney during her entire pregnancy. So far as I'm aware, the child, who's now more than 22 years old, is (as they say) as healthy as a horse. In addition, I grew up around smokers. I'm now 61 years old and also (as they say) as healthy as a horse.

Please use the enclosed envelope to send a contribution. I prefer cash. For checks or money orders, please inquire.
For PayPal payments, use editor@frontiersman.my3website.net.

Page 2

Frontiersman, ^c/o 2305 W. Sylvester Circle, Show Low, Arizona 85901

November 2007

Request for Help
Sam Aurelius Milam III

A Summary of My Situation — In spite of the James Majeski Living Trust, in which I'm designated as the beneficiary and by which I'm guaranteed a lifetime tenancy, James Majeski has recently announced the rental to someone else of the bedroom that he had previously promised, both orally and in the Trust, would be mine for the rest of my life. That has forced me, on very short notice, to seek temporary sleeping accommodations in another location. All of my possessions that were previously in the bedroom must now be stored elsewhere. Additionally, James Majeski has threatened to start charging me rent retroactive to January, even though he's well aware that he had previously agreed to provide donated accommodations for the rest of my life. His attitude has changed sufficiently that I'm concerned for the safety of my office and my other possessions, the majority of which haven't yet been moved because I don't presently have any place to move them. Consequently, I fear that I might arrive one day and find either the locks changed or my possessions all sitting out by the street. For now, I'm continuing to perform most of the duties to which I originally agreed when we made the deal. However, I must find somewhere else to live.

Because of my inability to pay the cost of moving my possessions to a remote location, and for other good reasons, I'd very much like to remain in this local vicinity. The cost of a small mobile home on a small lot in this area begins at about $60,000 and goes up from there. I'm hereby requesting contributions toward the acquisition of such property or the actual acquisition of the property for me. If I'm not able to acquire something appropriate in this local area, then I'll also need contributions to cover the cost of moving to another location.

A Summary of My Needs — I'll need at least 700 sq. ft. of floor space plus kitchen, laundry, and bathroom facilities. That's about what's normally provided in a 14x60 single-wide mobile home. However, I'm not overly particular about what kind of a structure it is. A barn, a quonset hut, a mobile home, an old gas station or church, or a geodesic dome will do, so long as it's weatherproof, it's in reliable condition, and I can keep it warm in the winter. Of course, a real house would be preferable.

I'll need access to the U.S. mail, a telephone line, and the internet. Due to my undocumented status, I'll need for someone else to legally own the place. That being the case, I'll need some kind of an arrangement, such as a trust or a will, whereby I'll be authorized to stay in the place for the rest of my life if the owner dies before I do. Sharing space with another person has always caused problems for me, as in the present situation, so I'm not willing to share the space with anybody else. I want to live alone.

Please contact me if you can provide such an arrangement or if you can provide contributions toward such an arrangement.

The Church Organist
Original Source Unknown. Forwarded by Don G.

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom. Imagine his surprise. Imagine his curiosity.

Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something. When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and the strange floater but soon it got the better of him. He couldn't resist any longer.

"Miss Bea," he said pointing to the bowl, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"

"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know? I haven't had a cold all winter."

Please use the enclosed envelope to send a contribution. I prefer cash. For checks or money orders, please inquire.
For PayPal payments, use editor@frontiersman.my3website.net.

November 2007

Frontiersman, ^c/o 2305 W. Sylvester Circle, Show Low, Arizona 85901

Page 3

Frontiersman
^c/o 2305 W. Sylvester Circle
Show Low, Arizona 85901

"America; love it or leave it" isn't a choice. It's a threat.

— May 25, 1989
Milam's Notes

Acknowledgments

My thanks to the following: SantaClara Bob; Lady Jan the Voluptuous; Lord Jeffrey the Studious; my mother; Ernie and Claire, of Show Low, Arizona; Jules, of Tucson, Arizona; Carl, of Gramling, South Carolina; and Sir Donald the Elusive.

— editor

Bible Questions and Answers
Original Source Unknown. Forwarded by ccrandal.

Q Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q How do we know that they played cards in the ark?

A Because Noah sat on the deck.

Changing Times
Original Source Unknown.
Forwarded by Steve, of Fremont, California.
Scenario: Little Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He's found crying by his teacher, Mrs. Johnson, who hugs him to comfort him.
1956: In a short time little Johnny feels better. He goes on playing.
2006: A policeman patrolling the school observes Mrs. Johnson hugging Johnny. She’s accused of being a sexual predator, loses her job, and is sentenced to 3 years in the State Prison. Little Johnny and his entire family are sent to trauma counseling.

Frontiersman

Subscriptions and Back Issues — Printed copies of this newsletter, either subscriptions or back issues, are available by application only.

Cancellations — If you don't want to keep receiving this newsletter, then print REFUSED, RETURN TO SENDER above your name and address and return the newsletter. When I receive it, I'll terminate your subscription. You can also cancel by letter, e-mail, carrier pigeon, or any other method that gets the message to me.

Reprint Policy — Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this newsletter in its entirety or to reproduce material from it, provided that the reproduction is accurate and that proper credit is given. Please note that I do not have the authority to give permission to reprint material that I have reprinted from other sources. For that permission, you must go to the original source. I would appreciate receiving a courtesy copy of any document or publication in which you reprint my material.

Submissions — I solicit letters, articles, and cartoons for the newsletter, but I don't pay for them. Short items are more likely to be printed. I suggest that letters and articles be shorter than 500 words but that's flexible depending on space available and the content of the piece. I give credit for all items printed unless the author specifies otherwise.

Payment — This newsletter isn't for sale. If you care to make a voluntary contribution, then I prefer cash or U.S. postage stamps. For checks or money orders please inquire. For PayPal payments, use editor@frontiersman.my3website.net. The continued existence of the newsletter will depend, in part, on such contributions. I don't accept anything that requires me to provide ID to receive it. In case anybody's curious, I also accept gold, silver, platinum, etc.

— Sam Aurelius Milam III, editor

Please use the enclosed envelope to send a contribution. I prefer cash. For checks or money orders, please inquire.
For PayPal payments, use editor@frontiersman.my3website.net.

Page 4

Frontiersman, ^c/o 2305 W. Sylvester Circle, Show Low, Arizona 85901

November 2007

Back to the Frontiersman Directory

Back to the Beginning of This Issue