Negative Nothing
Sam Aurelius Milam III
Back
in December of 2007, I heard a stupid statement on the television.
I sat right down and wrote an article but, what with one thing and another,
I never got around to using it. So, here's the article, freshly polished
and ready to read.
The
stupid statement was made during an advertisement for PAM, that spray stuff
that women use to keep the food from sticking to the pots and pans.
The statement proclaimed that, when PAM is used, "Food sticks to nothing!"
The
statement describes the impossible. Consider it logically.
The first part of the statement is a positive assertion that the food sticks
to something.
![15x5 Page Background GIF Image](../../Images/15x5_Page_Background.gif) "Food
sticks to...."
The
remainder of the sentence reveals the thing to which the food sticks.
![15x5 Page Background GIF Image](../../Images/15x5_Page_Background.gif) "...nothing!"
If
the statement was true, then the lovely little ladies would be able to
spray the food with PAM, hold the food up in the air, turn loose of it,
and have it remain floating in midair, stuck to nothing. The advertisement
should have said, "Food doesn't stick to anything!"
The
usage isn't new. I've heard it many times. Another example
is a similar bit of nonsense that I heard in the documentary series Victory
at Sea, which was released way back in 1952. Speaking of the
Japanese in the South Pacific, the bombastic narrator declared, "The enemy
could be allowed to go no further!"
Imagine
that. The enemy was going to be allowed (a positive assertion of
the intention to allow the enemy to do something) to go no further (what
the enemy was going to be allowed to do). Apparently, the enemy didn't
want to go any further and the U.S. forces were going to sit passively
and allow it. That's what the narrator said. What the narrator
actually meant was that the enemy could not be allowed to go any further,
which is a completely different statement.
The
sad aspect of the stupid usage is the large number of people who have to
be willing to accept such a stupid statement in order for it to happen.
The writers, the people who review the scripts, the producers and directors,
the actors, and worst of all the listeners all have to be willing to
ignore the stupidity of the statement. I'll admit that this is a
strange language but there should be some limits. Sloppy language
promotes sloppy thinking, and vice versa. No wonder we don't have
no success at not misunderstanding nobody about nothing. ![10x5 Page Background GIF Image](../../Images/10x5_Page_Background.gif)
Travel Plans
Original Source Unknown. Forwarded by Don G.
Recently,
I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from
Teterboro airport, in New Jersey. I knew that I'd be flying in a
small plane, so I wasn't surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very
full with baggage and passengers. How much do you weigh, sir?"
Not
thinking clearly, I answered, "With or without clothes?"
"Well,"
said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"![10x5 Page Background GIF Image](../../Images/10x5_Page_Background.gif)
Stray Thoughts
Sam Aurelius Milam III
Strange
Language Why isn't inhibit the opposite of exhibit?
Bitter
Pill What doesn't kill me will make me stronger, or make me weaker,
or make me mad, or maybe not have much of an effect on me at all.
Whatever else it does or doesn't do to me, it will probably make me dirty.
Terminology
as a Tool of Repressive Evangelism What they call sex addiction I
call normal human behavior. What they call normal human behavior
I call repressed sexuality.![10x5 Page Background GIF Image](../../Images/10x5_Page_Background.gif)
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January 2009 |
Frontiersman, c/o
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