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was stowed, and people climbed into the car.
When the various farewells were done and the driver backed the car out
into the street and drove it away, that was it. The people in the
car would wave out the windows and the people who were staying behind would
wave back but, once the car was out of sight, the people in it were gone.
They might as well have been half way around the world. If somebody
in the car had forgotten a shirt or a toy, there wasn't any way to notify
him. He'd probably never see that item again. It might be years
before any of those people spoke to one another again, if they ever did
so. If there was something that somebody had forgotten to say to
someone, it was too late to say it. A neglected apology or a forgotten
kind word would remain unspoken forever.
If I was among those who remained behind after such a departure, then I'd walk out to the street and watch the car as it receded into the distance. I'd watch the back of it, clinging to the sight of it, until it passed from view around a corner or over a hill. Such departures were profound events for me. I had an instinctive understanding of the potential finality of them. Every such departure filled me with sadness. When I was ten years old, goodbye was a powerful word. As time has passed, I think that I've noticed a change in the way that people feel about departures. I might be wrong. Maybe it's just a trick of memory over the years but this is how it seems to me. It seems easier, now, for people to say goodbye. Departures don't seem to be as important as they were when I was a kid. I think that it's because, nowadays, people are never really out of touch with one another. A departure, even if the traveller intends to go a long distance, isn't a separation. I recently called an old friend who lives in Santa Clara, California. I haven't seen him for about 14 years. I called him after six o'clock so it didn't even cost me anything. He wasn't at home. He was in a bar in Oakland but he answered his phone promptly. I guess that it doesn't really matter where somebody is nowadays. A person who's across the continent is just as accessible as a person who's across the room. Distance has a different meaning now than it had in days gone by. Goodbye isn't such an important word anymore. Old habits die hard. When somebody drives away, I still have a tendency to stand and watch the car until it's out of sight. A departure still saddens me but not so much as in the past. I know now that, when the car is gone, its occupant isn't really gone. I know that I can snatch the cell phone off of my belt and, in a few seconds, I can be talking to the guy again. Nobody is ever out of reach unless he wants to be. Nowadays a conversation with anybody that I know is right there at my fingertips, just as long as the little battery isn't dead. I think that people born in recent years might not understand the previous meaning of goodbye. I wonder if the kids in the family today have ever experienced a real departure. Someday, if we ever begin to send space ships to the stars, then departures and goodbyes might again reclaim their former status. They might again have meaning. For now, it appears to me that the importance of the ideas is mostly gone. So, with happiness at the change, I bid a fond farewell to goodbye. So long, goodbye. It was interesting knowing you. For a long time, you meant a lot to me. Maybe you will again some day but, for now, I'm happy that you're gone. Inner Peace
Old Timers' Lore
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Stray Thoughts
Sam Aurelius Milam III Plenty to Fear People who advocate crime prevention like to claim that if you don't have anything to hide then you don't have anything to fear when the government agents want to find out things about you. There are at least two things that you have to fear. The first thing, whether or not you have anything to hide, is the government's ever-growing powers of intrusion and control. Worse than that, however, and much more frightening, is this. You have to fear the incredible combination of ignorance, arrogance, and stupidity that causes otherwise normally intelligent people to claim that, if you don't have anything to hide, then you don't have anything to fear when the government agents want to find out things about you. Those nitwits are even more frightening and more dangerous than the government agents. Consequences Expressed sexual desires are preferable to repressed sexual desires. Jurisdiction When the Europeans began their conquest of this continent, one of the things that they did upon arrival, as soon as they could arrange it after stepping out of their various boats was to plant national flags on the soil. When Neil Armstrong arrived on the moon, one of the things that he did as soon as he could arrange it after stepping out of the Lunar Module was to plant a national flag on the moon. The act of planting the flag was a declaration of territorial jurisdiction. That's what a flag means jurisdiction. By planting the flag, Neil Armstrong claimed the moon as U.S. territory. Space might be international but the moon is a territorial possession. Grow Up Virginity isn't a virtue. It's a condition. People are born that way. They're also born helpless, demanding, impatient, selfish, and prone to temper tantrums. All of those various conditions, virginity among them, should be corrected at the earliest appropriate opportunity. It's a part of becoming an adult. Letter to the Editor Dear Sam Hello there Sam! As a proud and faithful reader of your newsletter for many years I was truly impressed by this month's Frontiersman! Your essay called, "Fantasy Factories" is on target! A documentary should be based on facts and actual, and factual footage that has not been tainted! And I mean that! Because a history that is built on lies will only lead to more lies! But I cracked up when you say that, "According to Leonard Graves narration: was to finish sinking the ship with the deck cannon! However, the order to prepare to surface wasn't a part of the narration! Because the order to prepare to surface was done in English!!! The footage you say in your newsletter was German and it was a German submarine! Now I know that the Germans were not the only ones who spread propaganda in war time, and to say that there was a camera crew watching the whole incident makes it less credible! They should apologize! But I am glad that you started to watch documentaries more critically and yes! AFV is a documentary! Mistakes happen and they're funny! But once again I would like to say thank you for a job well done on this month's newsletter.... Marcos, of Ione, California
Improbabilities
Sam Aurelius Milam III When air flows along a surface, the force that's exerted on the surface is less than would be exerted by air that's at rest relative to the surface. I've demonstrated the phenomenon for myself by aiming an electric fan along one side of a hanging tarp. The tarp moves toward the stream of air, not away from the stream of air. It doesn't make any sense at all. If air moving along a surface exerts less force on the surface than is exerted by still air, then why doesn't a car moving along a road exert less weight (force) on the road than is exerted by a car that's sitting still? I've been assured that, in either case, the entire weight of the car is exerted on the road. It just doesn't make any sense at all. How can such an outrageously improbable contraption as a helicopter actually fly? If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, then I wouldn't believe it. I can't imagine how a little cone-shaped piece of paper in an audio speaker can reproduce, simultaneously, all of the separate and distinct sounds of all of the musical instruments in an orchestra. It is, indeed, a strange and mysterious universe, filled with wonders. For PayPal payments, use editor@frontiersman.my3website.net.
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Acknowledgments My thanks to the following: SantaClara Bob; Lady Jan the Voluptuous; my mother; Dewey and Betty; Sir Donald the Elusive; and Eric, of Ione, California. editor
Court Quotes From Humor in the Court and More Humor in the Court, by Mary Louise Gilman, editor of the National Shorthand Reporter. Forwarded by Don G.
Funny Questions and Answers Original Source Unknown. Forwarded by David, of Idaho Falls, Idaho
Puns Original Source Unknown. Forwarded by David, of Idaho Falls, Idaho
Frontiersman Subscriptions and Back Issues Printed copies of this newsletter, either subscriptions or back issues, are available by application only. Cancellations If you don't want to keep receiving this newsletter, then return it unopened. When I receive it, I'll terminate your subscription. Reprint Policy Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this newsletter in its entirety or to reproduce material from it, provided that the reproduction is accurate and that proper credit is given. I do not have the authority to give permission to reprint material that I have reprinted from other sources. For that permission, you must go to the original source. I would appreciate receiving a courtesy copy of any document or publication in which you reprint my material. Submissions I solicit letters, articles, and cartoons for the newsletter, but I don't pay for them. Short items are more likely to be printed. I suggest that letters and articles be shorter than 500 words but that's flexible depending on space available and the content of the piece. Payment This newsletter isn't for sale. If you want to make a voluntary contribution, then I prefer cash, prepaid telephone cards, or U.S. postage stamps. For checks or money orders, please inquire. For PayPal payments, use editor@frontiersman.my3website.net. The continued existence of the newsletter will depend, in part, on such contributions. I don't accept anything that requires me to provide ID to receive it. In case anybody's curious, I also accept gold, silver, platinum, etc. Sam Aurelius Milam III, editor
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