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Eagle 3

Frontiersman, October 2010
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Men of Two Minds and the Y-Not? Chromosome
Sam Aurelius Milam III
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageOn Thursday, August 12, 2010, I was busy for most of the day but, from time to time during the day, I turned on my television.  Mostly, I watch the documentary channels so, on that particular day, I saw on The History Channel bits and pieces of a documentary series on the seven deadly sins, as defined by various Christians over the past several centuries.  The documentary series had one episode on each of the seven deadly sins, those being wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony.  If it was left to me, then I'd start the list with evangelism.  Indeed, I'd probably limit the list to evangelism.  Whatever the case, I saw only bits and pieces of the series, those bits and pieces being from the episodes on sloth and lust.
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageThe most interesting material that I saw was from the episode about lust.  Note that the episode was about lust and not about human sexuality.  I believe that the perception of human sexuality as lust, and the perception of lust as sin, reveals a perverted attitude toward human sexuality.  I once heard it describe as "the typical filthy Christian mind".  Whatever description you prefer, it's a fact that Christians deal with the idea of sin more readily than they deal with the idea of human sexuality.  I'm reminded of an amusing little anecdote about a circuit preacher.  During his monthly visit to a small church in a remote part of his district, he tried to impress upon the members of the congregation the insidious nature of sin.  He warned them that even something as seemingly innocent as a pillow could become an instrument of sin.  Some people in the big city, he noted by way of example, sinned by putting a pillow under the woman's backside during their acts of procreation.  Upon his next visit to that region, the preacher observed that many of the local ducks, chickens, and geese were notably lacking many of their feathers.
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageThe reluctance of Christians to deal openly with human sexuality has made it difficult for them to specify just exactly what it is that they want to discourage.  The secular authorities have been more successful than the Christians in that regard.  If your local preacher isn't helpful, then secular documents such as, for example, a Penal Code might be a useful source of interesting ideas.  The best that the Christians have been able to do is to impose a general prohibition of anything sexual or, more generally, of anything that feels good, with one specific exception.  That is, anything sexual is a sin except for "relations" between a man and his own wife, with her on her back and him on top, with both of their heads at the same end, strictly for the purpose of procreation, without the involvement of any extra gadgets, and just so long as neither of them enjoys it.  I've heard it described as the Missionary Position, an interesting pun if nothing else.
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageAdmittedly, the documentary provided a few brief mentions of other cultures, past or present, that had or have less punitive notions than do the Christians regarding human sexuality.  There was even a brief mention of the Kama Sutra.  Of course, the documentary was being shown on a channel that's licensed in the United States.  That being the case, you couldn't expect anything more than the network censors will allow.  The treatment of the Kama Sutra was predictably brief.  The filthy-minded network censors are always on the job, always imposing upon the rest of us their perverted notion that human sexuality is obscene.
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageThe really good part of the episode on lust came near the end of that episode.  It was a segment about a group of scientists who were studying the functioning of the human brain during moods of sexual interest as compared to moods of — oh, I don't know — maybe the way that people feel while they're sitting in church, listening to the preacher talk about the Israelites wandering in the wilderness and eating sugar-frosted manna flakes for breakfast.
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageI didn't make a recording of the documentary so I can't go back and retrieve any specific

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October 2010Frontiersman, c/o 4984 Peach Mountain Drive, Gainesville, Georgia  30507     Page 1
 

 
 
 
details about the composition of the research staff or the identity of the institution in which the research was conducted.  I can only report what I recall from watching the documentary.  I recall that the scientists used various means of detecting brain activity, including an MRI machine and various other gadgets.  The MRI machine was equipped with a video display that the research subjects could watch during the experiments.  I'll call the video display an erotiscope.  The scientists used the erotiscope to show sexually interesting images to the test subjects, during testing.  So, while the brain activity of the test subjects was being monitored by the MRI machine and by the various other gadgets, the scientists used the erotiscope to show the test subjects video clips of erotic things and other video clips of other, non-erotic things, maybe slowly scrolling copies of text from The First Book of the Chronicles, for example.  They correlated the activity in different parts of the subjects' brains with what the subjects were watching on the erotiscope, according to how erotic the material was.  According to the video segments that I saw, the research team wasn't limited to only men.  There were also women present.  I don't know what the women were thinking but I did notice in one scene that one of them had what appeared to be a leer on her face as she watched a test subject watching the erotiscope.  I probably just imagined it.  I can be a real rascal.  Of course, rascal or not, that line of thought leads to a question.  Why did they even need an erotiscope?  With all of those female researchers readily available, they could have just — but then the network censors wouldn't have allowed the program to be shown.  Darn.  Anyway, against all odds, the scientists obtained some most startling and unexpected results.  Here comes the interesting part.  After duly objective investigation, the scientists discovered that when the sexual arousal part of a human brain is active, the rational intellect part of a human brain tends to be out to lunch.  Well, I swanny!
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageLet's consider this with the rational intellect part of our brains.  How could such a result be unexpected?  Do any of those researchers even have girlfriends?  Have any of them ever had an affair?  I don't know about the scientists but there've been times in my own long and checkered past when I couldn't think of any reason at all to not go ahead and avail myself of the comely wench.  Later, I sometimes thought of reasons, but not until the festivities were over.  If any of those scientists had ever been involved with a woman other than in some feminist, career-oriented, politically correct, sexual equality, just-one-of-the-guys kind of way, then he must have noticed that his brain turned off when his penis turned on.  Isn't that exactly what the feminists like to say when they deride men as being primitive, grunting, Neanderthal, brutes?  Don't they like to proclaim, with sneers of smug superiority on their faces, that men think with their penises?
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageIt isn't just the feminists who've made such observations.  Even men have done so.  Back while I was living on the farm, before the September 11 attacks happened and I stopped watching news programs, I was watching the NewsHour one evening.  It was Friday, April 3, 1998.  I know that because I heard a statement that was so remarkable that I wrote it down and dated it.  The statement was made by historian Stephen Ambrose, who was a member of a panel on the program that evening.  As I recall, the panel also included Michael Beschloss, Elizabeth Farnsworth, and two or three other people.  During the discussion, Stephen Ambrose made a completely unexpected statement.  You could see that it was unexpected because of the surprised reactions of the other panelists.  Jim Lehrer chuckled in slight embarrassment and changed the subject.  So, right there on the NewsHour, one of the most stodgy news programs in existence, in front of God and everybody, Stephen Ambrose said, "God created men with a penis and a brain and gave 'em only enough blood to run one at a time."  I'll bet that both Stephen Ambrose and the network censor caught Hell after the program for that comment.
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageStephen Ambrose died on October 13, 2002 but the memory of him lives on.  So hurray for Stephen Ambrose and hurray for me.  We were both right.  The people in the research project, both genders of them, are proving it with their little scientifically X-rated MRI flicks on their research erotiscope.  I still wish that they'd just used the female researchers instead of the erotiscope, but then the network censors wouldn't have — hey, maybe they did, and it was just censored.  I can hope.  Anyway, what they're proving ought not to be a surprise.  Any
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Page 2Frontiersman, c/o 4984 Peach Mountain Drive, Gainesville, Georgia  30507 October 2010
 

 
 
 
man who's ever fallen under the compelling and magical charm of a woman should know it without having to be told.  Women, of course, know it automatically.  That is, in the presence of a woman, a man's ability to think will be impaired.  As the feminists like to say, he'll think with his penis.  It's the only point on which the feminists were ever correct.
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageI'm old enough now that I can relax a little.  I still chortle at the women on the television, and make extravagant suggestions, when I'm alone and can get away with it.  I still watch women with as much enthusiasm as ever, although nowadays it's a lot simpler if I just watch.  It's been about seven or eight years since the end of my most recent sexual relationship and I find that I'm not particularly motivated to seek another one.  Some aspects of my situation are not as I'd prefer them to be but the lack of a female companion isn't high on my list of complaints.  I'm doing OK.  I'm getting a lot of work done.  My tranquility has become very important to me.  In retrospect, I can see that tranquility and sexual relationships are pretty much mutually exclusive conditions.  Women are too motivated to control men and it causes a lot of stress.  Maybe the monks were right after all, taking vows of celibacy.  That does make things a lot simpler.  Even so, even at the age of 64, even as well as I'm doing without a woman in my life, I'm still pretty sure that I don't have enough blood to run both of them at the same time, should the need ever again arise.
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In memory of
15x5 Page Background GIF Image—15x5 Page Background GIF ImageStephen Edward Ambrose15x5 Page Background GIF Image—15x5 Page Background GIF Image
1936 - 2002
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More About Documentaries
Sam Aurelius Milam III
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageWhat happened to the past tense?  Consider this hypothetical statement from an imaginary documentary.  "The swarm of ivory beaked humming birds arrives along the Bimini Road and sucks the sap out of every flower between East Clintwood and the little village of Hellifino."  Why would the description of such an event be given in the present tense, or in whatever tense that is?  Do the producers of documentaries think that such usage makes their documentaries sound more dramatic?  I think that it sounds like the writers don't know how to use the English language.  The narrator of such a documentary ought to say, "The swarm of ivory beaked humming birds arrived along the Bimini Road and sucked the sap out of every flower between East Clintwood and the little village of Hellifino."  Past events ought to be described in the past tense.10x5 Page Background GIF ImageGun

Stray Thoughts
Sam Aurelius Milam III
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageBeautification Project — I'm considerably annoyed by the people who go around town painting over the graffiti.  They don't recognize that graffiti is an art form, a spontaneous expression of somebody's thoughts and feelings, good, bad, or otherwise.  It's the cave painting of the twenty-first century.  On private property, the owner can paint over the graffiti.  In public locations, the graffitists have as much right to the space as anybody else does.10x5 Page Background GIF ImageGun

Checking Out
Original Source Unknown.  Forwarded by Don G.
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageI was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items.  The lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine.  I picked up one of the dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between my things and her things, so that they wouldn't get mixed.
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageWhile the girl was scanning my items she also picked up the divider.  She looked all over it for the bar code so that she could scan it.  Not finding the bar code she asked me, "Do you know how much this is?"
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageI said to her "I've changed my mind.  I don't think I'll buy that today."
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageShe said "OK".
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageI paid her and left.  She didn't have the faintest notion what had just happened.10x5 Page Background GIF ImageInfinity Symbol

Old Timers' Lore
Overheard by Sam Aurelius Milam III
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageResource Management — Marry a large woman.  She'll keep you warm in the winter and provide shade in the summer.10x5 Page Background GIF ImageInfinity Symbol

15x5 Page Background GIF ImageI didn't make it up.  I just heard it somewhere.

—editor
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A White Man's Notes
Sam Aurelius Milam III
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageRemain Silent — The secret to achieving a long and happy marriage is silence.  Don't try to communicate.  All that does is to enable her to use your own words against you, later.  Also, try to avoid answering questions.10x5 Page Background GIF ImageMale Symbol

Please use the enclosed envelope to send a contribution.  I prefer cash.  For checks or money orders, please inquire.
For PayPal payments, use editor@frontiersman.my3website.net.

October 2010Frontiersman, c/o 4984 Peach Mountain Drive, Gainesville, Georgia  30507     Page 3
 

 
 
 
Frontiersman 
c/o 4984 Peach Mountain Drive
Gainesville, Georgia  30507 
 
 
 
 
 
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
—Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)
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Acknowledgments
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageMy thanks to the following:  SantaClara Bob;  Lady Jan the Voluptuous;  my mother;  Dewey and Betty;  and Eric, of Ione, California. 
— editor
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Court Quotes
From Humor in the Court and More Humor in the Court, by Mary Louise Gilman, editor of the National Shorthand Reporter.  Forwarded by Don G.
Q:Can you describe the individual?
A:He was about medium height and he had a beard.
Q:Was this a male or a female?10x5 Page Background GIF ImageInfinity Symbol
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Funny Questions and Answers
Original Source Unknown.  Forwarded by David, of Idaho Falls, Idaho
Q:What's the definition of a teenager?
A:God's punishment for enjoying sex.10x5 Page Background GIF ImageInfinity Symbol
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Funny Statements
Original Source Unknown.  Forwarded by David, of Idaho Falls, Idaho
•Everyone has a photographic memory.  Not everyone has film.
•When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
•Seen it, done it, can't remember most of it.
•Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
•I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
•He's not dumb, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
•She's always late.  Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
•You have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say can and will be misquoted and used against you. 10x5 Page Background GIF ImageInfinity Symbol

Frontiersman
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageSubscriptions and Back Issues — Printed copies of this newsletter, either subscriptions or back issues, are available by application only.
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageCancellations — If you don't want to keep receiving this newsletter, then return it unopened.  When I receive it, I'll terminate your subscription.
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageReprint Policy — Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this newsletter in its entirety or to reproduce material from it, provided that the reproduction is accurate and that proper credit is given.  I do not have the authority to give permission to reprint material that I have reprinted from other sources.  For that permission, you must go to the original source.  I would appreciate receiving a courtesy copy of any document or publication in which you reprint my material.
15x5 Page Background GIF ImageSubmissions — I solicit letters, articles, and cartoons for the newsletter, but I don't pay for them.  Short items are more likely to be printed.  I suggest that letters and articles be shorter than 500 words but that's flexible depending on space available and the content of the piece.
15x5 Page Background GIF ImagePayment — This newsletter isn't for sale.  If you want to make a voluntary contribution, then I prefer cash or U.S. postage stamps.  For checks or money orders, please inquire.  For PayPal payments, use editor@frontiersman.my3website.net.  The continued existence of the newsletter will depend, in part, on such contributions.  I don't accept anything that requires me to provide ID to receive it.  In case anybody's curious, I also accept gold, silver, platinum, etc.
— Sam Aurelius Milam III, editor
Please use the enclosed envelope to send a contribution.  I prefer cash.  For checks or money orders, please inquire.
For PayPal payments, use editor@frontiersman.my3website.net.

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