Know When to QuitRope TrickSam Aurelius Milam III
From the middle 1980s until the middle 1990s, I spent
a lot of time sailing on Astrea, a 40 ft ketch owned by my friend
Andrew. Astrea was moored at Docktown, near Redwood City, California.
We sailed a lot, often spending entire weekends on San Francisco Bay. At the end of one such weekend, we were securing Astrea in her slip when another boat came cruising into the inlet with an empty boat in tow. They sailed up the opposite side of the inlet, did a U-turn, and came cruising along our side of the inlet, near the ends of the piers. One of the occupants of the boat yelled, “It’s getting late we gotta be back at San Francisco before dark tie this boat in that slip over there!”
He pointed, flung me a rope, and they sailed away into the evening.

The indicated slip was three slips over. The slip adjacent to ours was empty. The next slip was occupied by a
boat that was backed in, pointing out. Beyond that was the empty
slip into which I needed to move the empty boat.

The event had attracted the attention of everybody in
the vicinity. I’m usually pretty bad at throwing coiled ropes.
Usually, when I fling one, it uncoils about one turn, snags, tangles,
and lands on the ground in front of me. What was I to do?
There I stood, holding a rope with an empty boat on the other end.
Everybody was watching me. So, I mentally shrugged my shoulders,
coiled the rope as well as I could, swung my arm back, and flung the
rope underhanded, as hard as I could, in the direction of the empty slip,
three slips away.

The rope went uncoil uncoil uncoil uncoil. It didn’t snag. It didn’t tangle. It didn’t fall into the water. It sailed over the empty slip adjacent to us, over the bowsprit of the
boat in the next slip, down on the other side of the bowsprit, back under
the bowsprit in my direction, up, and looped perfectly over itself. Everybody cheered, clapped, and stomped their feet.

I strolled nonchalantly from our dock to dry land and
sashayed past the empty slip, pretending that I’d intended for it
to work out that way. I clambered over the boat and retrieved my
rope from the bowsprit. Pulling the empty boat into the empty slip,
and securing it there, was kind of boring after my neat rope trick, and
people didn’t pay much more attention to me. After that, I tried
never to throw any ropes when I was in Docktown. It helps if you
know when to quit.

Everybody WinsSam Aurelius Milam III
Here’s a suggestion for solving two problems at the same time: high medical bills and prostitution. Hospitals
could add prostitution to the services that they provide. There
would be benefits for everybody involved.

The hospitals would acquire a reliable and probably substantial cash flow that would be largely immune to the ups and downs of the
economy. All of those lovely ladies traipsing around the halls might
relieve some of the gloom and tension that can be so common in hospitals. They might also be an effective antidote to some of the bossy nurses who act like they own the place. Maybe some of the doctors and administrators who are more stodgy and officious than is necessary could be taken down a notch or two.

The prostitutes would have everything that they need. They’d have clean rooms with clean beds, private, semi private, or whatever, according to the preferences of their customers and the options offered. They’d have easy access to medical exams, to verify their health, and to
all of the medical treatment that they might need. They’d have an
on-site staff of medical technicians to screen customers. They wouldn’t
need to work on the streets, dressed as provocatively as possible, late
at night, in the bad part of town. Instead, they’d have lobbies, cafeterias,
and other handy places to meet customers, and a safe, clean place to work,
with it’s own built-in security staff.

The customers wouldn’t have to risk getting diseases, or go to the bad part of town where they might get mugged.

There isn’t any downside. Everybody wins.

Particular ThingsSam Aurelius Milam III
Sometimes, it’s better to have a friend with a particular thing, and to have the use of his, than it is to have one of your own. Here are some examples that come to mind.
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a motorcycle
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a boat
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a swimming pool
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a wife

Advertising BloopersNot Verified, and Original Source Unknown.Forwarded by Don G. •

In Italy, a campaign for “Schweppes Tonic Water” translated the name into the much less thirst quenching “Schweppes Toilet Water.”
•

Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick”, a curling iron, into Germany only
to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had
any use for the manure stick.