Rich Man, Poor Man, Beggar
Man, Thief: A Satirical Essay
by Sam Aurelius Milam III
Part 3: He caught a crooked cat
Who caught a crooked
mouse
It
has been said that Policemen and Criminals come from the same cultural
origins.1
Be that as it may, they do visit (or occupy) many of the same institutions,
one might call them clubs, and they consume a considerable amount of one
another's resources. The commitment of Police resources to the pursuit
of Criminals is a warm endorsement for the criminal sector.
Were it not for the frequent diversions provided by hard working Criminals,
the Police would be forced to call upon their own imagination and ingenuity
for something to do, and would most likely fall to bickering among themselves,
or petty harassment of the Citizens. Since acts of constituted authority
are usually difficult to distinguish from acts of other forms of authority,
it is important to control the Police.2
To this end the welfare recipients can be of great service to society,
as I shall now demonstrate.
Many
methods of controlling the Police have been tried. Direct opposition
has been tried repeatedly, but has the disadvantage of direct and usually
damaging involvement of the group that should be most protected from the
Police, i.e., the Citizens. Control by legal constraints is the method
most strongly promoted by government, in spite of the obvious fallacy of
using laws to control the law enforcers. This type of intentional
myopia is typical of government. Intimidation works poorly, if at
all, because Policemen are inherently more intimidating than Citizens.
Sniping is too slow to be effective. Furthermore, Citizens must snipe
on their own time and at their own expense. Policemen get paid for
it, and supplied with arms and ammunition.
After some consideration, it becomes evident to the scholar that diversion
by Criminals has all the advantages. The Citizens don't have to be
bothered by direct contact with the Police. The Criminals and the
Police keep each other well occupied,3
allowing both the Police and the Criminals to feel needed. Bleeding
Hearts and Do-Gooders, naturally, have a field day. Since any increase
in the criminal sector provides more work for the Police, the erstwhile
recipients of welfare can be of great value to society. That is,
in addition to the financial benefit, CRIME would result in an added degree
of protection of the Citizens from the Police, a definite social advantage.
Even this, however, isn't the ultimate benefit.
Coming Soon:
Part 4:
And
they all lived together
In
a little crooked house
Project for PIGS
by Sir Cuitous Writley
Most People In Government Service (PIGS)
could probably be kept busy with completely harmless activities
Continued at Busy,
page 2
If Truth were the only weapon in the world,
the U.S. government would be totally unarmed. |
Buck Hunter Shoots Off His
Mouth
Dear Buck
In general, what do you think of opera?
— Music Lover
Dear Music Lover
I guess she's OK, but her show doesn't
really have all that much music, does it?
Dear Buck
Why do you give people such weird answers?
— Abby
Dear Abby
You write your column, I'll write mine.
|
If you started repealing laws purely at
random, you'd have about a 99% chance of improving things. |
|
^
|
This
statement was at one time attributed to a convicted felon who, just before
he was executed, objected that besides being untrue, it was unnecessarily
insulting to criminals. He had, he claimed, read it in the Police
Gazette. |
|
^
|
Police
organizations cannot be prevented. They are the forerunners of all
government, which cannot exist without them. Therefore, the best
that can be expected, given government, is some form of control. |
|
^
|
This,
it turns out, isn't without its disadvantages, as I will explain in the
discussion of Racket Ratcheting, next month. |
|