The Preaching and the Teaching
Sam Aurelius Milam III
There's a lot of evidence that contradicts the claims made by Christians regarding their agenda of peace, love, and forgiveness.  One small sample from that large body of evidence is a hymn that we regularly sang in the Presbyterian church at Boldtville, Texas, the community where I was raised.  The hymn is Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus.  I've presented the lyrics below.
I see a lot of warlike rhetoric in that hymn.  I see words like soldiers, banners, suffer, victory, army, unnumbered foes, vanquished, trumpet call, obey, mighty conflict, glorious day, serve, courage, danger, oppose, armor, strife, noise of battle, and victor's song.  Each and every word or phrase is glorified as being in the service of Jesus.  Such warlike rhetoric isn't universal in Christian hymns, but neither is it uncommon.
Some Christians will try to excuse such inflammatory language in a Christian hymn as being merely figurative.  Nonsense.  Christian brutality throughout the centuries is consistent with such rhetoric.  Examples abound throughout both modern and ancient history.  Not only that, the hymn was sung to and by impressionable young children, when I was a child.  Many of the people who teach such hymns to their children are the same people who whine about violence on television.  It's OK to glorify violence for Jesus but not to use it for profit or entertainment?
Furthermore, if Christians can excuse their own warlike rhetoric as being merely figurative, then so can Muslims.  Do Christians condemn the alleged teaching of such violence and militarism by Muslims?  You bet they do.  Christians would do well to review their own rhetoric and history before they condemn the teachings or behavior of other religions.  The evidence seems to suggest that Christians, given the least excuse, become warmongers for Christ.  By condemning the similar teachings of others, by preaching peace and teaching war, they also become hypocrites for Christ.

Where's Bob?
Original Author Unknown.  Forwarded by Don G.
George Bush visited a school to see if he was still popular among America's youth.  He gave a short speech and then asked some children if they had any questions for him.
Bob raised his hand and said, "I have three questions for you.  How did you win the election even though you had less votes?  Why do you want to attack Iraq without the backing of the UN?  Do you agree, just like me, that the bombing of Hiroshima was the biggest terrorist action of the last century?"
At that point the bell rang and all the children ran out of the classroom.  After 5 minutes all the children were back inside and Bush again asked the children if there were any questions they would like to ask.
This time Joe raised his hand and said, "I have five questions.  How did you win the election even though you had less votes?  Why do you want to attack Iraq without the backing of the UN?  Do you agree, just like me, that the bombing of Hiroshima was the biggest terrorist action of the last century?  Why did the bell ring 20 minutes early?  Where's Bob?"

Rightful Liberty
Forwarded by Don G.
Rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others.  I do not add "within the limits of the law," because law is often but the tyrant's will, and always so when it violates the rights of the individual.

Help Wanted
Sam Aurelius Milam III
I still don't have someplace else to live.  I need at least 700 square feet with bathroom, kitchen, and laundry facilities.  I need the use of a telephone line for internet access.  I can't pay rent.  I need donated space, so I can continue trying to restore liberty on this continent.
 

Letters to the Editor
Dear Sam
You have been sending me "Frontiersman" which I appreciate.  I have been meaning to write you for sometime & the time has come.
I do not wish to receive any more issues of "Frontiersman".  Some of the information is good, but it's filled with hate for women!  This doesn't change, issue after issue.  You are a true "woman-hater"!  It's a paradox how you can critisize the government for oppressing you & yet you are, or would be, the biggest oppressor of the female sex ever!  I have never heard of, or encountered such a male-chauvinistic pig in all my 61 years!
It's easy to see why you are divorced & no contact with your children.  It's interesting how you expect others to donate a living & a place to live to you & yet you refuse to take care of a wife or pay support to a child that you brought into the world!  You seem to think men should just sleep around with anyone they can find, any time they can, & then abandon any children they produce.
Unfortunately, our government leadership is filled with men like you, that's the problem.
Please send me no more literature of any kind.  Thank you!
Sincerely, Mary Powell, 83 North 300 West, Vernal, Utah   84078

Sadly typical.  Her only possible responses to male opinion are lies, distortions, character assassination, and hissy fits.

Bush Blames Blizzard On Saddam
Evildoer Drops Two Feet of Snow on Northeast, White House Says 
Andy Borowitz, Sunday, February 16, 2003.
President Saddam Hussein of Iraq dropped between one and two feet of snow on the Northeastern United States today, closing airports and creating hazardous driving conditions, President George W. Bush revealed.
"To those in the world who say that Mr. Saddam Hussein poses no threat, I'd ask you to take a look outside your window," President Bush said in a White House press briefing this afternoon.  "It's a freaking mess out there."
While President Bush offered no concrete evidence of a Saddam-snowstorm connection, he said that Secretary of State Colin Powell would be sharing satellite proof in the days ahead of a link between Saddam Hussein, al Qaeda, the blizzard, and the new ABC series entitled "Are You Hot?"
At the Weather Channel, meteorologists were "taken aback" by Mr. Bush's accusation of a link between Saddam Hussein and the worst blizzard in nearly a decade, calling any such claim "extraordinary."
"It would be possible but highly unlikely for any head of state to create a snowstorm of this magnitude," said chief meteorologist Bernard Hogan.  "Our best guess is it's just the weather."
At the White House, press secretary Ari Fleischer dismissed Mr. Hogan's statement, saying that the Weather Channel "was dominated by French and Belgian intellectuals and appeaseniks."
In other international news, British Prime Minister Tony Blair ignited a new controversy today when he admitted that he had recently taken out an ad in The Evening Standard's personals section.
The ad, paid for with Mr. Blair's own funds, reads, "Lonely British PM seeks anyone in entire country who agrees with him."

© 2003 Andy Borowitz / BorowitzReport.com
http://www.BorowitzReport.com/
Reprinted With Permission

Freezing the Balls off a Brass Monkey
Author Unknown.
In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannon.  Those cannon fired round iron cannon balls.  It was necessary to keep a supply near the cannon.  But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck?  The best storage method devised was a square based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine which rested on sixteen.  Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.
There was only one problem — how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.  The solution was a metal plate called a Monkey with 16 round indentations.  But if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it.  The solution to the rusting problem was to make Brass Monkeys.  Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled.  So, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.  Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!"
And all this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you?

Here's the problem.  If iron balls will rust to an iron monkey, then why don't the iron balls rust to one another?

Frontiersman  479 E.  700 N.  Firth, Idaho  83236                USA The World's Only Superbully

Acknowledgments
My thanks to the following:  Lady Helen the Gracious, Lady Shirley the Benevolent, Sir James the Bold, Sir John the Generous, and Sir Donald the Elusive.
Special thanks again to Lady Helen the Gracious and Sir James the Bold.

Best Laid Plans
Source Unknown.  Forwarded by Warren, of Pocatello, Idaho.
•     Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn.  Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.
•     Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.  It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it.  Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.