Unintended Consequences
Fiction by Jim Sullivan
The
year is 2010. Faith-based government, as predicted after the second
millennium began, has grown more pervasive every year over the past decade.
At Washington DC, in the U.S. Capitol, hearings of the Government Protocol
Select Subcommittee of the Federal Religious Policy Committee of the House
of Representatives is underway.
The
Subcommittee Chairman presiding is The Right Reverend Obadiah P. Rathstone,
Representative of the Great and Good State of Texas (R-78th District).
The witness testifying is Albert D. Hickenlooper, Jr., U.S. Commerce Department
employee. It's his third day before this Congressional subcommittee.
Similar questions have been fired at him from congressman after congressman.
A
typical query, this one from Congressman Reverend Percy Cornwinkle of Oklahoma
(R 15th District): "Can you tell us, Mr. Hickenlooper, just why it is that
several congressmen in this chamber have witnessed, with their own eyes,
you walking directly past, over, under, or around each and every set of
10 Commandment Tablets affixed to the various and sundry walls, floors,
and ceilings of this capitol building, the Supreme Court building, the
White House, and, indeed, your very own Cabinet facility without seeing
you so much as bow, scrape, kowtow to, or fold your hands in a prayer-like
manner in the required appearance of humble supplication, let alone perform
the optional Roman genuflection to the holy site of this here respectful
and Jesus-loving federal government?"
"Well,
Reverend Congressman, my seeming irreverence has been accidental on my
part, I assure you. It isn't my habit to forget the rules and regulations
of this and of the other federal bodies. My own forgetfulness is
to blame. You see, I am getting older, having served in this government
since before there were protocols of a religious nature for federal employees,
such as myself, that had to be followed and obeyed. Consequently,
I sometimes just don't remember.
"I
know that breaking these religious rules could be grounds for my dismissal
and forfeiting my pension and health insurance. But I humbly ask
that you please give me another chance. I realize that I'd be totally
destitute if you fired me for this breech of religious conduct because
no government agency would then be allowed to hire me. And that the
same would be true for any civilian employer who gets government contracts
or finances for any reason whatsoever. In short, I'd have no way
to make a living."
"Well,"
said Subcommittee Chairman Reverend Congressman Rathstone, "you should
have thought of that before you disgraced yourself over those 10 Commandment
tablets that mean so much to me, to this government, and to this nation.
"The
chair now recognizes the congressman from the wonderful and prosperous
state of Mississippi, Congressman Deacon T. Bishop (R-15th District).
Reverend Bishop."
"Thank
you Mr. Chairman Congressman Reverend Rathstone. By the way, I thoroughly
agreed with and enjoyed the sermon you preached last Sunday to the entire
assembled U.S. House of Representatives. The world is surely coming
to its conclusion for as every elected official in this body knows and
attests to, these are the end times.
"Now,
as to you, Mr. Hickenlooper and specifically to your disrespect for our
religious governmental institutions, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
And don't forget, as we in this holy and sacred chamber know, this is not
the first, nor the second, but the third time you've been charged with
the same type of offenses. And you're a total disgrace, as the Chairman
has so delicately pointed out, to this religious government establishment.
But what's even worse, I'm getting reports from my staff, Pastor Green,
my administrative assistant, and Father Fitzgerald, my legislative aide,
that in your Commerce Department office cubicle, you have no 10 Commandment
tablets posted on the walls or setting on your desk. That, sir, is
blasphemy! So, would you explain why you've dared commit such a sin."
"Congressman
Reverend Deacon, it's a fact that in my little cubicle I have not one religious
icon. But I plan on getting one. It might be a 10 Commandments
plaque or, perhaps, a St. Christopher Medal. But I just haven't had
the
July 2005 |
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