Fuzzy-Wuzzy Wasn't There
Sam Aurelius Milam III
Some
time last year, I don't remember the date, I watched an episode
of Modern Marvels that reported on things that produce odors.
Most of the program dealt with such things as land fills, sewage treatment
facilities, hog farms, and the large-scale application of agricultural
fertilizer. There was also some information on academic research
programs intended to study such things as the chemistry of odor, how to
control odor, and how different people perceive odor. It was moderately
interesting but I watched it mostly because I was tired of working right
then and I needed a break. However, near the end of the program,
with scant minutes remaining, they began a segment on distinctive odors
that are produced at specific locations on the human body. Ah!
Now, that would be interesting. Of course, I don't think that the
various human body odors are, in general, as obnoxious as the odors that
had been previously addressed on the program but, anyway, I settled back
into my chair with a sigh of anticipation.
I
was interested to note that they mentioned only three categories of locations
on a human body, five locations if you want to count them that way, that
produce distinctive odors that are specific to those locations. Those
three (or five) locations are the mouth, the underarms, and the feet.
An extraterrestrial alien who watched that episode of Modern Marvels,
and who didn't have any other source of related information, wouldn't have
the slightest clue that the strange, upright creatures who occupy this
planet produce distinctive odors associated with the region where their
lower limbs come together.
I
can see it now. The writers were working frantically, trying to meet
the deadline for the episode on odors. They were near the end, chattering
among themselves, tossing ideas back and forth, planning the script.
Suddenly, they noticed how quiet it was. They looked up and saw that
the secretaries were all watching them, hard-eyed secretaries, lips compressed,
waiting, daring the writers, just daring them. By immediate, unspoken
agreement, the writers skipped the groin and went directly from underarms
to feet. The secretaries all heaved big sighs and went back to their
typing.
I
can't comment on men because my admittedly limited experience has been
entirely with women. Regarding women, I have, on a few rare occasions,
had a brief opportunity to take note of, well, a certain fragrance that's
associated with, ah, hmmm. So many words and I can't use any of them.
I'm starting to feel some sympathy toward those Modern Marvels writers
and I don't even have a secretary. Well, let's see. I need
a term. Ah! I have it! I'll use the term that Radar O'Reilly
used on that M*A*S*H episode where the woman delivered her baby on their
bus and Radar exclaimed in dismay, "Oh no! I saw her fuzzy-wuzzy!"
Yeah! That's it! That'll do! I can use it! Fuzzy-wuzzy!
So, I've been fortunate enough to occasionally take note, regarding a woman's
fuzzy-wuzzy, on a very few, very rare occasions, of a certain fragrance....
This
isn't going to work. I can see that I'm not going to be able to end
this article the way that I'd intended. I think that I'd best just
follow the precedent already established by those Modern Marvels
writers and skip directly to something else. How shall I handle this?
I
know. I'll end the article with some jokes. I'll completely
skip what would have come next, without even a hint that anything has been
omitted.
So,
here are some jokes. The first one is my very own joke, a Milam Original,
never before told. Okay, maybe Aristotle or Benjamin Franklin said
it first. I don't know. Anyway, here are some jokes.
Some Jokes:
How
do you tell a male fish from a female fish? It's easy. On a
female fish, the fuzzy-wuzzy probably smells a lot like a person.
Did
you hear about the woman who had a job down at the fisherman's wharf?
She smelled the same all over.![10x5 Page Background GIF Image](../../Images/10x5_Page_Background.gif)
February 2014 |
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