Unbended Knee Sam Aurelius Milam III
A member of my family was married a while back. I don't usually attend ceremonial things and I wasn't invited to that one anyway. So, I stayed
at home, instead, and started writing this article. I didn't intend,
by my absence, to imply any ill-will toward the bride. Indeed, I wish
her well. I hope that her marriage will be a happy one.
For the record, I'll note that I've been married twice and that I've had
several romantic relationships outside of marriage. That gives me some
credibility in such matters. The marriages and other relationships
are well behind me now, sufficiently so that I've been able to develop some
perspective. So, here are some thoughts about marriage from the point
of view of a man with both credibility and perspective.
Why get married at all? Love? In my experience, a man can love a woman just as well, maybe better, without being married to her. Sex?
I expect that everybody already knows this, but I'll mention it anyway.
Sex is just as available outside of marriage as it is inside of marriage
and, usually, with fewer strings attached. The available women are
often married anyway, and have some real advantages over single women.
Some of my best girlfriends were married women. Commitment? I
haven't noticed any correlation between commitment and marriage. Most
of my girlfriends hung around longer than my second wife did. Children?
It's less expensive for a man to make child support payments than it is for
him to be married, and the standard arrangement for visits on holidays and
weekends works very well for a father. He gets to spend the good times
with his children. The mother has to deal with their problems.
Insurance? Tax benefits? Bank accounts? Those aren't reasons
for getting married. They're reasons for starting a business partnership.
All things considered, marriage seems like a dubious proposition.
Assuming, for the sake of discussion, that marriage is a good idea, then
there are still problems. One of them is the requirement of monogamy. People are not monogamous. The forsaking all others vow is a
recipe for failure. Another problem with conventional marriage is duration.
Most people eventually realize that they don't want to stay with the same
person forever. So, the until death do us part vow is a mistake.
There are alternatives. I knew two people who were married for a term
of years, by a written contract, with an expiration date and a renewal option.
When the contract expired, she declined to renew it. A divorce wasn't
necessary. The marriage just expired. The for better or for
worse clause hasn't worked out very well, either, nor has the in sickness
and in health promise. The whole arrangement seems to be intended
to create misery and encourage failure.
Another problem with conventional marriage is the license. Applying
for a marriage license is the same thing as asking the government for permission to get married. The license causes the marriage to be a licensed institution,
like a business. It gives the government a jurisdiction over the marriage,
allowing the government to regulate the marriage like a business. The
government's jurisdiction is legitimate because the people voluntarily applied
for the license. Subsequently, they're required to comply with all
applicable rules and regulations. If they comply, then they get the
associated privileges. If they don't comply, then they get punished.
A licensed marriage can't even be terminated without the approval of the
government. The parties must request a divorce, which ends the marriage
but not the jurisdiction. After a divorce, the parties must continue
to comply with the terms and conditions of the divorce, just as they were
required to comply with the terms and conditions of the marriage.
There isn't any reason why every marriage has to be a government institution. People should consider carefully before they decide whether or not to ask the government for permission, before they get married. Also, there isn't any reason why everybody should be expected to do everything the same
way, such as being saddled with a conventional, Christian style marriage. There are a lot of possible alternatives. There are group marriages, polygamous marriages, contractual marriages, temporary marriages, common-law marriages, and any other arrangement that ingenuity can devise. People need to remove the religious dogma from the legislation and the religious brainwashing from their minds. They need to start thinking for themselves. With a little imagination, they might find arrangements that they like a
lot better than the traditional Christian deal. Occasionally, some young
rascal might decide to unbend his knees and not get married at all. Maybe an old rascal, too.![10x5 Page Background GIF Image](../../Images/10x5_Page_Background.gif)
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