![]() ![]() Frexit Sam Aurelius Milam III
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writing available to more people, so I started
my first website. For a while, I opened various internet accounts.
Some friends made it possible for me to have access to PayPal and eBay
and I tried, with little success, to sell things.
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| Letter to the Editor Dear Sam, —S. H., a prisoner
—editor
Snow Flakes As Retold by Sam Aurelius Milam III Original Source Unknown. Forwarded by Tom C., of Redwood City, California. 8:00 AM We built the snowman. 8:12 AM The kids got bored and went inside to watch the Saturday morning cartoons. 8:14 AM The feminist next door criticized me for not making a snow woman. 8:15 AM I made a snow woman. 8:20 AM The feminist came back and complained that the snow woman's apron and bonnet depicted her in a domestic role. 8:21 AM A homosexual couple living nearby complained that I should have built two snowmen. 8:25 AM The vegans at the end of the block complained about the carrots that I'd used for noses. They said that food shouldn't be used for decorations. 8:28 AM A black couple from the other end of the block criticized me for making only white snow people. 8:30 AM I used some spray paint but the can was almost empty so I was able to make only one of the snow persons black. 8:35 AM The redneck three houses over called me names for promoting mixed-race relationships. 8:37 AM The black couple came back and accused me of racism for using blackface on a white snow person. 8:40 AM The transgender man woman person from down the street criticized me for using black paint instead of rainbow colored paint. 8:42 AM The middle eastern gent from across the street complained that the apron didn't completely cover the snow woman. 8:50 AM A TV news crew showed up and filmed me for the Nine O'clock News, where I was depicted as a racist sexist homophobe. 9:15 AM County social workers, who'd seen the TV coverage, arrived and took my children into custody. 9:16 AM Far left protesters marched down the street demanding that I be arrested. 9:20 AM A Council on Equality activist, who'd seen the TV coverage, arrived and gave me an application form for their sensitivity and diversity training classes. 9:30 AM Anti-smoking activists, who'd seen the TV coverage, picketed my front yard because of the pipe in the snowman's mouth. 9:36 AM Far right protesters, offended by the far left protestors, marched down the street demanding that both I and the far left protestors be arrested. 9:39 AM A Homeland Security investigator, who'd seen the TV coverage, showed up and threatened to have me sent to an undisclosed location, south of Florida. 9:41 AM My wife finished packing her things and left, to go stay with her mother. 9:45 AM The boss called me and told me not to come back to work on Monday. 9:50 AM I sat down at the kitchen table and started drinking bourbon. All that me and the kids had wanted to do was to build a snowman. Thank God it didn't occur to us at the time to lay down together and make snow angels.
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Acknowledgments — editor
Websites Humorous Quotes
Signs That You're a Hillbilly Original Source Unknown. Forwarded by Don G. • • • • • • • • • Frontiersman — Sam Aurelius Milam III, editor
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